YEP leadership camp (Pulau Ubin)

Location: Pulau Ubin (near Ah-soh's kampung house.. facing Pulau Ketam)

Today was a slightly differenty morning .. the air was fresh & crisp.. the sun shining strongly bringing life to the entire island.. Over looking the coastline, were brightly coloured bumboats.. its strange that this tiny island is just about 15 mins away from the concrete jungle yet.. no one can deny its power to bring peace & energy back in your mnd & soul..

Well.. so far the camp has been going on great.. I was nicknamed as the 'baby' in the team.. owing to my petite & rather childish behaviour.. well.. it was nice getting all pampered by a bunch of professionals.. hehe.. I have to admit we were a colourful mixed of leaders.. from mere undergrads to research archeologist (he's a great person except for the fact that he drinks enough to drown himself..) to your education professional (who happens to be my new found partner / 'mummy' since my assigned partner had to attend to a much more important issues.. (yah rite.. ) to the most considerate & funny dentist, not forgetting his student (a hilarious duo i must say..) to of course, the zany & ever so full-of-life SIF professionals..

I won't forget the time when we were enjoying our night rounds in the woods.. beneath the clear sky, scattered with bright sparkling stars, singing to the tunes of the Carpenters, Bollywood hits, to the Bangles.. plus some old time nursery rhymes.. hehe.. so much for trying to scare ourselves by going through so-called forbidden areas.. lol.. Lucky Bunch..

well.. let's not forget the fact that Ive learnt to live side by side with 4 ferocious black dogs (half of my size, mind u .. ) In fact, Ive learnt to pick up or decipher some of their body language:- wagging means they're just being friendly.. & other than that.. just maintain your cool .. DUN RUN!!! I was lucky as I was protected by my thoughtful camp members.. (No wonder I was nicknamed as the 'baby'..hehe) I was almost being mauled by 1 idiotic one.. (must be down with PMS.. as it was happily lying down beside me during our lunch time.. Nutcase)

Anyway, the whole day had been an eye-opener.. right from the time we set feet on the island, to the time we reached our 'kampung' free accomodation, the cooking time, the play-pretend EMS, going through the variuos stages of the project, the sharing session & eventually the night walk.. I am still trying to swallow it all down.. locking it tight in my mind chest.. making sure I hold on to them dearly..

The sharing session after lunch was a no doubt a learning opportunity for me. To be able to share the problems that I face in handling the YEP with the other leaders had lightened off the load on my shoulder.. (been keeping all the sh*t to myself too much..to teh extent that I snapped at every single person that strike a conversation with me.. & that includes my innocent family members..) They had made it so easy for me to open to them.. It could be due to their experience & empathy.. we naturally had somewhat similar mindset (just that mine wasn't that well-formed). I was inspired by their courage & thier firm attitude but yet able to be sensitive & sweet at the right timing..

The best of it all, these wonderful people were all so ready to share their chunks of experience. It definitely provided me with different perspective of looking at things now..

Sitting by the coastline this morning was simply breathtaking.. (even though the sea cockcroaches were happily hanging out there too..) The whole entire course was a breakaway .. away from work, from my YEP group members, away from worrying over petty nitty gritty stuffs.. I know I needed the break... badly..

Im sitting here with one of the leaders, J. She's so full of life, very ambitious, very passionate about single thing that she does and its amazing to see how much strength this skinny short gal has .. this is her 4th YEP by the way.. ('',)

Well.. attending the course, it had at least gave me the answer to why I took up this project.. there is so much this project can offer.. I just have to play along and hang on.. Despite this, many times i felt that my assigned partner should have been here too..

Stop me before I slaughter anyone!

hey..

This is only the pre-expedition period & trust me ..Im already at the stage of giving up.. (I hate the feeling when things go out of hand.. Stress.. stress.. stress... ) Sometimes .. well.. honestly, many times I asked myself why I had to take this project up and guess what? I havent got a clue.. All I got in return were scoldings, the sheer criticisms, the jeer by those who don't even bother to take a pause to understand the plight that Im in.

Trust me.. i can easily strangle anyone right one.. Luckily, my screws are still tight.. if not, I would have ran amok.. I can't take it anymore, u bet! I feel like running away and leave this whole entire thing..I didnt volunteer myself to be humiliated! But then.. its just so hard to leave just like that.. I guess my conscious is well holding me back.. could be faith.. i duno..

Well..yesterday i was brought down to my lowest point, no doubt. It was rather hurtful when nobody asked how my day was (well..i know that's not the big problem but a smile would have made my day lighter) But the fact that I was bombarded by more workload than i can ever handle & more scoldings.. Have you ever felt that suddenly your world comes tumbling down.. the feeling that suddenly everybody is against you?

I was actually feeling alone and torn apart even though i was actually surrounded by so many people. I duno what went wrong.. (i think i would be in a better position if someone at least tell me nicely) Seriously I miss the days when G.Q was around.. even though there were loads of stuffs to complete, yet G.Q was there WITH me ; not to lead neither to follow.. I was on a hunger pang for that sheer encouragement and support.. unfortunately..not a slight glimmer of hope.. only the bleak future ahead..

Crisis: My Damn Partner.. Damn 'S'

I gave up on him a long time ago..I know he was sent by God to test my limits of patience.. never knew I failed for this one.. beneath that manly, sweet Usher lookalike face, he's such a sarcastic & insensitive individual. Well.. I dont give a damn the fact that you're the heartthrob of many gals out there or well-known as one of the nation's eligible bachelor.. I guess they had forgotten to assess his 'heartware' attributes. Well.. like what they said, never judge a book by its cover.. until you've worked together ..

One thing for sure, he was definitely successful in making a gurl breakdown (me at least ..).. I will never forget the time when he scolded me off for being honest to the lady who had lend us her van, for us to carry out our donation drive. Even my dad forbids himself from berating me in that manner.. I hate it when he pushes his limits .. & I know my patience was wearing off.. The only consolation I had with me at this point of time, was the fact that I have only 2 more months before I am able to erase him away from my life. Its either i change the situation to a 'win-win' ending or remain miserable for the rest of the expedition.

The funny thing is.. initially I thought he would be different.. i was sooo wrong..

Its going to be a tough ride .. & Hang on Tight!!!!