Life & Death..

u noe what..my granma told my mum just a while ago that some old fren of the family (cik leha)..yah..their son had passed away..n u know what..apparently that boy turns out to be the boy whom i dun really fancy when i was young.

we use to be in the same class wen we were in kindergarten..he had this peculiar smile..dark skinned..very naughty..n trust me..he sticks to me all the time.. well..my mum told me that his mum said tht he likes hanging around wif me..well..at that point of time.. got to know that he passed away due to kidney problems..

i just wanted to tell u that somehow or rather i felt guilty for hating someone who had such liking to me..n me not appreciating it..or able to make proper frenz with them..n only to regret when they r gone.

life's short ..really short..its like you may be alive today ..n the next thing u know u're dead the next minute..i tell ya ..its a scary thought really..makes u treasure life more. i used to read this e-mail saying that .."u better do wat u've been wanting to do ..or u might not get to do it after all" never hesitate..follow ur heart..but..how often do ppl do that? i dun.

to ponder..to wait for the so-called right time..its all so unpredictable..n u will never know what will happen until u've really tried it. there was 1 evening wen i cudnt breathe..it was while i praying on the mat..i got so scared..n my face was pale..i was alone wif my sis ..n all i cud think of were my parents..n having to face Allah...& i was not prepared to face HIM. one is never too young to die huh? bullshit.

sometimes i wish i knew what i really want in life.. & to accomplish it b4 i go..well..its not that im totally clueless..just that sometimes..i get lost ...or its like..i do have the map but i need someone to guide me thru reading that map..n to get to my destination. Gotta approach Him. He knows me best..n i know he knows im writing this to let go things off my chest.. i do think a lot..n sometimes..i think that i do have a problem wen actually i dun.

i noe that i take ppl for granted sometimes....critising them..b4 looking myself in the mirror..i have this terribly bad attitude of judging a person by its cover..and sometimes..its too late for me to realise that there's more than meets the eye. by then ..its useless for me to regret. as they say, prevention is better than cure..i tried to avoid doing it..but sometimes..i do it even without realising it..shud i knock my head against the wall?

Yah.. once in a while.. if it helps..