Rainbow of Life

Tired

2007-08-09T02:24:00.000+08:00

Tired & Exhausted..

It summarises everything. Thank you.

Not That Simple After All....

2007-08-09T02:01:00.000+08:00

http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp

What Your Name Means

You entered: Nor Aisha

There are 8 letters in your name.Those 8 letters total to 40There are 4 vowels and 4 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 4

The characteristics of #4 are: A foundation, order, service, struggle against limits, steady growth.

The expression or destiny for #4:Order, service, and management are the cornerstones of the number 4 Expression. Your destiny is to express wonderful organization skills with your ever practical, down-to-earth approach. You are the kind of person who is always willing to work those long, hard hours to push a project through to completion. A patience with detail allows you to become expert in fields such as building, engineering, and all forms of craftsmanship. Your abilities to write and teach may lean toward the more technical and detailed.

In the arts, music will likely be your choice. Artistic talents may also appear in such fields as horiculture and floral arrangement, as well. Many skilled physicians and especially surgeons have the 4 Expression.

The positive attitudes of the 4 Expression yield responsibility; you are one who no doubt, fulfills obligations, and is highly systematic and orderly. You are serious and sincere, honest and faithful. It is your role to help and you are required to do a good job at everything you undertake.

If there is too much 4 energies present in your makeup, you may express some of the negative attitudes of the number 4. The obligations that you face may tend to create frustration and feelings of limitation or restriction. You may sometimes find yourself nursing negative attitudes in this regard and these can keep you in a rather low mood. Avoid becoming too rigid, stubborn, dogmatic, and fixed in your opinions. You may have a tendency to develop and hold very strong likes and dislikes, and some of these may border on the classification of prejudice.

The negative side of 4 often produces dominant and bossy individuals who use disciplinarian to an excess. These tendencies must be avoided. Finally, like nearly all with 4 Expression, you must keep your eye on the big picture and not get overly wrapped up in detail and routine.

Your Soul Urge number is: 8

A Soul Urge number of 8 means: With an 8 soul urge, you have a natural flair for big business and the challenges imposed by the commercial world. Power, status and success are very important to you. You have strong urges to supervise, organize and lead. Material desires are also very pronounced. You have good executive abilities, and with these, confidence, energy and ambition.

Your mind is analytical and judgment sound; you're a good judge of material values and also human character. Self-controlled, you rarely let emotions cloud judgment. You are somewhat of an organizer at heart, and you like to keep those beneath you organized and on a proper track. This is a personality that wants to lead, not follow. You want to be known for your planning ability and solid judgment.

The negative aspects of the 8 soul urge are the often dominating and exacting attitude. You may have a tendency to be very rigid, sometimes stubborn.

Your Inner Dream number is: 5

An Inner Dream number of 5 means: You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplished.

Its juz A Game..

2006-09-06T14:32:00.000+08:00

It says....

“Allow yourself a winter season for introspection, personal evaluation, contemplation and transformation. Then get back in the game."

She said....

"Whassup? i know we haven't spoken for a while I was thinking bout you and it kinda made me smile So many things to say and I'll put them in a letter
Thought it might be easier, the words might come out better
How's your mother? How's your little nephew? Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to

Wish i could press rewind and rewrite every line to the story of me and you

Don't you know I've tried, I've tried to get you off my mind but it don't get no better as each day go by and I'm lost and confuse I've got nothing to lose hope to hear from you soon... P.S I'm still not over you

Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on there's a lot of feelings that remains since you've been gone I guess you thought that I would've it all behind me but it seems there's always something right there to remind me like a silly joke or something on the TV, boy it ain't easy when I hear our song I get that same old feeling

wish I could press rewind, turn back the hands of time and I shouldn't be telling you

Don't you know I've tried, I've tried to get you off my mind but it don't get no better as each day go by and I'm lost and confuse I've got nothing to lose hope to hear from you soon... P.S I'm still not over you (you, still not over you)

Did you know I've kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet Oooh nooo.. tried to erase The way your kisses taste But some things a girl can never forget

Don't you know I've tried, I've tried to get you off my mind but it don't get no better as each day go by and I'm lost and confuse I've got nothing to lose hope to hear from you soon...

P.S I'm still not over you Still not over you, see I've tried to forget you

Don't you know I've tried, I've tried to get you off my mind but it don't get no better as each day go by and I'm lost and confuse

I've got nothing to lose hope to hear from you soon...

P.S I'm still not over you ...."

He said.." let it go..."

I'm back..

2006-09-04T18:19:00.000+08:00

Alright..i have no idea where would I start.. but I thought I might as well give it a shot..

Ok.. it been quite a while since I've been trying to heal the wounded soul..haha… ok.. it’s a mid-life crisis (as sarcastically described by my dearie kuzzin).. honestly, I just wonder how do they deal with it? Let's take the case of my beloved, loud, extremely indecipherable… totally out-of-this-world à 'Piza'..

At one time, she was torn apart between two totally wacko blokes..then fell into the phase of ' oh..we're just best friends now' (whatever.. talk-to-my-hand).. to the phase of 'he got someone!!! Waaaaaaaaaahhhh' to the phase of 'I've met two new guys..' and it all happen in less than a month. (Its an achievement saying that in one single breath)

It was just like having a bad patch and covering it up with some damn bloody good stitch..and there u go.. Viola!! Al-Presto… "And they lived happily ever after.." Though she didn’t get married yet… I bet she will if she isn't college right now…heh..

Things haven't been going quite right for me.. on the inside.. it was like tumultuous ride .. been bottling things up too much..to the point they got onto my sleep.. so as you can sense by now.. its wrecking me up.. . Well..it even got me on the outside.. physically.. - been putting on a few kilos…I'm having a war with my zits..and trust me they look like mini volcanoes at the verge of erupting (though not ready to burst as yet..) my hair's getting in a mess (but at least I got the itchy scalp problem under control- Thanx to Regane hair products - affordable & works wonders!!)

I know I'm vain..but unfortunately beauty comes with a price .. It needs tender loving care ..pruning.. cleaning..toning.. clearing 'potholes'... (I'm so gona squeeze that pimple out.. la lala… lala… )

Despite the emotional roller-coaster ride, strangely… I felt like 'home' or you would call 'getting back your old-self'. .. It’s a feeling where you're back to who you really are.. reading novels back in my room under my duvet, chocolates & your bottle of Evian by your side.. chatting online with god-knows-who (I found this 'TalkCity' chatroom ..well, I've forgotten how fun it was especially after that sticky-internet incident.).. hanging out at home doing practically nothing (except getting my work done - which reminds me that I've yet to complete my set of 'Proteins' lecture slides & notes) and yeah.. back to writing.. creative juices are on the flow.. and yes.. I feel like going shopping.. can't wait for Thursday to come (its gona be a gurls'- day- out' and yes..I'm looking forward to catch my heart throb - SRK's new movie).

Well.. been at home for too long.. more than 48 hours really.. I knew I need the fresh air.. and the vitamin D.. (well. No worries.. I'm heading to the reservoir tomorrow morning for a brisk walking session with my dear pal.. who's kind enough to entertain my nonsense.. ) Honestly, no one in the west would want to travel that far for some brisk walking exercise, surrounded by monkeys making-out or monkey families hanging out together or having to see giant monitor lizard sun- tanning in the open.. but hey.. living in a concrete jungle.. having to be in a real untouched natural landscapes - trust me, the serenity will just sweeps you off your feet.. J Plus… the morning breakfast at the nearby hawker centre will make you return for more…. Hahah.. so much for trying to lose off the extra kilos..

Since it is a 1 week school term holiday… and I deserve a good break.. I've decided not to go to school or to have any extra lessons for my dear kids at school… but they better complete the holiday assignments by the time school term starts.. hehe..
Hmmm… I would be seen as a complete slacker (caught not doing any work.. who says I'm not??!!!) So, I've decided to join my kids in the crystal making session this coming Wednesday.

Did I tell you that we're taking part in a competition? It's like a fantasy come true…(ok, I'm nuts..but come on.. I'm a science teacher.. what do you expect?? Paris Hilton??)

I remember having to walk along the office alley at the NUS Chemistry Department, where they had all the crystals displayed. I've always been intrigued by how they were made…the colours, the shine, the size, the precision, my goodness… despite the fact one is not able to show it off on a necklace or a ring or your dangling ear-rings.. but trust me.. these wonderful crystals got me dazzled… I've always wanted to know how do they make all these crystals… Well… now, I can answer every single question that I used to ask myself… from the 'making of a saturated solution, getting the seed crystals.. the tying .. growing it'..phewww....

Trust me it isn't as simple as it looks… we even broke a 1 litre glass beaker along the process of getting and making the correct crystal.. and did anyone tell you that crystal making is damn expensive? A bottle of 1 kg of chrome alum cost around 300 bucks (or even more.. and this is one of the lowest grade quality in the market..)!!! And mind you…we used more than 5 kg this time… heh.. Well…though we may not win at the end of it.. but what the heck.. we had fun.. didn't we guys?

So much about crystals.. I even got back into the mood of joining our family gatherings… Upon my request…my dearest aunt had organised a family gathering last Saturday - cum- a mini birthday party for my little cousin.

Menu-of-the-day à Seoul garden.

Yeah… you heard me right… so we had a spread of fresh seafood on the 3 metres long table… and your hot plate.. and yes.. we even had sushi's ..homemade sushi.. my mum even tried her hands at making it.. trust me.. it looks like your typical chinese popiah..

It was great having everyone around.. and only then I realised how much my cousins have grown up.. nana was looking more and more stunning.. mira had definitely grown into this young funky easy going gal.. my little obnoxious youngest cousin started to grow her hair long.. but as cheeky as ever.. (I guess certain things don't change ..) and the rest are just growing up to be pretty and handsome.. heh.. well, it makes feel old to be among them... what the heck.. age are just numbers..

The family gathering wouldn’t be complete if there weren't any games or 'mini fireworks' session. But, the mini fireworks session didn't quite work well.., as the newly employed domestic helper had placed the 'fireworks sticks' in the refrigerator.. thinking that they were chocolate sticks.. hmm.. I just wonder if the chocolates sold in her country were as long as those… heh.. (Come to think of it..Pocky chocolates sticks do look like it…hehe..) So the fireworks display turned into a mass burning session… it got so dangerous that only my uncle was the one handling it..

Well...so much for that… we even got into the routine of watching great Thailand horror movies.. There's just something about these Thai horror movies... they are the best in the world.. the plot, the acting.. the whole sequence of it.. its not like your peek-a-boo..or sadako coming out of the well.. it was a 'meaningful' and not sense-less ghost movie.. and it’s the best form of family - entertainment.. (even though you end up screaming at the top of your lungs.. its fun when everyone is doing it also..hehe.. or comforting your little cousin that its only a movie.. and not for real ghost..) Ohh..how much I love my family.. :-)

Movin on.. Bring it On Life!!!

2006-07-06T05:33:00.000+08:00

"Overwhelmed" - its the only apt term that I could use to describe the situation that I am in rite now.. its all moving so fast and procrastination would just drown you further (yeah..deep down..)
Assessing written reports, common tests, admin work, the nitty gritty things that builds up overtime .. and yes.. more to come definitely...

Having to practice 'Self motivation & Self discipline' is undeniably harder than it appears on the surface.. (let's include self-entertaining to keep my mind sane too..) Its frustrating when the time just dissolves away so rapidly that you can barely feel it.. Its really ironic having Me (!!!) to preach about time management to the kiddos' when in actual fact, I am the one who needs it badly..

Despite this, i would have to admit that the past two months have been a blast...

- Accomplishing the 10 km Big Walk

- Making it to the summit of Low's Peak (Mount Kinabalu, Sabah).. yeah.. pain in the knees hurt like mad.. and yah.. the 1st experience of walking like old grannies with walking stick.. but it was a golden opportunity of building up strength, perseverance and resilience.. [Dear Allah... all i wanted was to reach the summit and down back to the foot of mountain safe, sound..and still intact in one piece.. :-) Unfortunately, i forget to mention in the shortest time possible to my ability.. heh..

Imagine this.. The numbness on your legs, the overwhelming fatigue, the cold evening air, not to mention the showers of blessings, the darkness.. just u, your pal and not forgetting your kind foreign guide and yes, stuck in the rainforest.. The experience definitely beats Amazing Race.. ]

- (Teachers' Day Celebration STOMP performance)

Having to stay back in school till 8.30 pm at least 3 times a week and having to come back on weekends.. trust me..its no joke man.. but when the day finally came and having to look back now.. its all worth the banging and hitting..

Its definitely an accomplishment having to hit chemcial tins (mind you.. there are 3/4 of my size) and dented rubbish bins in a very stylo-milo rhythm .. (we became such pros to the point that we were able to come up with new tunes within 5 minutes.. hehe.. compared to 5 hours when we first started out.. )

Funny thing is, initially everyone thought we were nut cases.. having to create a din in the school hall, disturbing badminton players' concentration (and trust me, this includes our dear P and VP. Well.. thanx to their undying faith in somewhat unorthodox (we're supposed to be creative and not forgettingthat we created the tunes without any professional help.. okok.. a little start-up help from a dear fren.. hehe) performance.. we successfully swept them off their feet with our rhythm.. :-)

well.. im still trying to figure out how to include the clip of the performance here.. but as usual..im html and software illiterate.. haiz.. i might forget about it.. heh..

- Finally... i got back the discipline of attending religious classes .. despite the fact that it was hard having to tell yourself to get out of the office by 7 pm :-) (even though you have a whole pile of work to be done.. Trust me... its pretty therapeutic just having to sit down and listen to divine words.. hehe.. (its better than having me to scream the top of my lungs in class everytime)

- Cutting down on my monthly expenses.. (Hey.. i deserve an whole round of applause for this you know.. ) Its like having that devil in you, enticing and mesmerising you (like i was like super big voodoo doll) to just spend your money away ... shoes.. facials.. clothes..and more shoes.. oh..not forgetting my facial masks.. food.. food.. its even more deadly if you have 'The Potent Plastic Card' ..yes.. don't oretend like you don't know what I mean.. The 'NETS' or 'Debit MasterCard'.. a substitute to your EXTREMELY DEADLY --> The Credit Card.. haiz.. So much for being more money-savvy..

(Well.. admit it we're not that perfect..and due to that fact.. I just can't resist the urge of spending the moment i stepped into Kinokuniya or Borders.. yikes..!! Its only 1 book.. okok.. 2 books.. :-))

Well...looking back.. its been quite a 'journey'.. short (like me) but totally exceptional & unique.. (like me..heh..) and you bet not even your Credit Card can replace all that blast :-)

"Live Simply...?" (Part II) - Happy Belated Mum's Day..

2006-05-19T08:12:00.000+08:00

Happy Mothers' Day..

"To all mothers and mums-to-be .... U deserve the best for bringing us into this world... Thank you .. Love U Loads... ;-)"

Mothers' Day celebration didnt turn out that bad.. it all started by me sending out mothers' day sms to all my dear frenz, which goes somewhat like this:-

" Katak Pisang, Katak Puru..
Adakah katak dan pisang sepupu?
Jangan perasan..
Jangan terharu..
Bukan nak ucapkan I rindu U..
Cuma nak ucapkan
'Selamat Hari Ibu' kat Mak U ;-)"

Heh... I know its crap..but what the heck.. we love our mothers dun we???

Well.. so me and my dear zany bunch of cousins congregate (or malay call it 'serbu') at my dear aunt's place to celebrate mothers' day.. but before that as usual... life wudnt be interesting if u dun pick a fight with people once in a while..heh..

Story goes somewhat like this....

[We were at Swensens to buy mothers' day cake.. and fine.. after choosing the specially-made mothers' day cake from the fridge display.. and after paying for it.. guess what..?

"Im sory md'm.. the cake that u bought is actually out of stock.. "

What duh??? ok ..so what now?? ive paid for it.. u better go get me something or my mum is gona scream at u before i do..!!!! Y the heck did u suggest me a cake that is out of stock.. where r all the cakes wen u need them the most..!!! (looking at the time.. yikes.. we're late..arghh..)

So dat poor fella went to find me a cake... heh.. ahh.. gd choice... "oreo cookies ice cream cake.."im glad at least tht fella has good sense of taste.. heh.. well..ok we'll take that..ok..time to rush to my mothers' day celebration...

"Selamat Hari Ibu...Selamat Hari Ibu... Selamat Hari Ibu....lalalalaa...." - we got a choir specially imported from China, India and Malaysia to sing the songs above.. hehe... (well the blessings of having inter-cultural / international marriages in a family...heheh..I juz love my family... )]

OK..so much crap about proving that life isnt that simple after all.... but ironincally, where does all that satistfaction and the sense of being grateful for just being in this world comes from? ahh...ahh....

And yes... my dil still goes singing "mmm...mmm..mmm.." even though life isnt a bed of roses..

That's the beauty of life.. all you need to do is to appreciate what you have.. simple or not.. who cares... as long as you're grateful for the very existence of yourself in this world.. and yes people.. we do have our missions.. nah.. im not gona preach..but yah..u get what i mean... (err..no...we're not here to place nuclear bombs as and where we want to destroy ppl's lives.. no.. we advocate PEACE.. ok.. )

Take your time to stop and reflect... like what my dad used to say.. "dun think too much.. follow the very first thing that comes to your mind/heart...coz that's the most sincere thought that you have.. the moment u start to ponder and sit on it for ages.. thats where complications will set in my dear gurl... dun be afraid.. just go for it.. "

(ahh.. dun we just love our fathers... awwww...)

So do we have a conclusion to our situation?

Live simply?

Hmm... everyone trying to define life..
As how its being depicted in movies..well.. we have the following examples which relate life to food or anything that is tangible basically...

"Life is like a box of chocolate...

Life is like an ice-cream..eat it before it melts...

Life is like a stage where we are the actors and the actresses... directed by Him..

Life is like rojak... the mix and match of it.. messy but taste fantastic.."

(ok, i came up wid that last one..heh...)

Admit it..there are certain points in your life where you try to summarise the meaning of life into something that is comprehensible.. though it might not be a very good representation... but what the heck... be happy that at least you have tried to decipher the meaning of life.. its a continuous process (long and may be ardous to some..) but hang in there.. we're all in it.. learn to accept it ..its all a matter of perspective.. :-)

And yes.. we can live simply despite all that complications.. again its a matter of perspective and choice.. :-)

Hey..look at it this way.. if our Prophet Muhammad S.A.W can do it.. insyaAllah... I bet we can..

Yeah.. ;-)

Saaalammm Namaste...

"Live Simply...?"

2006-05-14T11:01:00.001+08:00

"Live Simply.."

Sounds simple huh.. ? I beg to differ my fren.. Let's start by analysing from the microscopic level point of view..

"The Eukaryotic Cell.. "

I hope i get the biological term rite..

Just within 1 tiny weeny little living cell, you have a 1001 of biological processes.. What's more if you go on and study the whole entire body system..just to get that heart (which is the size of your fist) beating, fit and healthy.. more than a million processes are taking place simultaneously..

Yeah.. not that simple after all.. even tho' we wish it was THAT simple..

Does simplicity leads to perfection or idealism ?
How does one define simplicity?
Simplicity equates to being 'Normal'? (huh? does that mean that im abnormal??)

Hmm....Let me have a go at this.. and see if it leads us to enlightenment or more confusions...

Hypothesis: There are many compliations behind that simplicity.

Test:

My Definition of Simplicity...

1) Taking the Average / Moderation

To moderate all the inputs and outputs of life.

(Keyword: MODERATION)

*Moderation in spending... (heh.. come on.. this is easier said than done.. )

Expenditure includes the following..

- Cali. fitness monthly fees
- Shopping of my SRK dvds
- Shoes... (ah.. we cant resist this can we gurls???)
- Taxis... (ok..i admit im down with this 'Hands-Up-For-Taxi' syndrome...)
- Karaoke.. (How can I live without it ???? At least once every two weeks... deniably addicted to it..)
- Clothes.. heh.. self-explanatory...
- Facials and Self-Pampering treats.. (Its called the "Oonly Me Treat"..I deserve that good body scrub, body mask and massage after my ordeal in school..)
- Hair Treatments.. (OK.. i cant deny myself from that damn good scalp and hair treatment.. its my dignity man.. balding is a no-no.. NO!!!!!)
- Food.. ahhaaha.... (ok.. Eat to Live)

* Moderation in Eating

- Ok.. we can cut down on that.. (err.. do i have to give up my cheesecake?? oh TiDAKK!!!! NO ..No.. Nahi..nahi... )

[Sidetrack: Finally i get that Oreo Cheesecake recipe from Kak Mus.. ahaha.. ok.. we'll try it out soon.. I'll definitely update you on it.. even if its burnt.. well.. at least im starting to bake something.. ]

* Rainbow of Life

Alrite..we know we cant expect perfections in life.. im not perfect .. u're not perfect.. but when two/ more imperfect invididuals come together.. you'll be surprised how perfect we can be.. (",)

5 'C's : Compromise, Communication, Compassion, Companionship & Camaraderie.. :-)

And yes.. Expect the Unexpected...

Welcome Surprises.. It makes your life more colourful...

"Dun push yourself too hard my dear.. Most importantly, you did your best.. Nah, nah.. its not the results.. but the journey/ process to that results that matters most.. Gotta take it in your stride.." --> Ok.. i noe..easier said than done.. heh..

* Old Prophecy (Part One) --> " Study hard.. get a gd job.. your future will be bright.."

Hmm... ok.. we noe in the modern world its crap --> Read "Poor Dad, Rich Dad".. You'll realise it.. and no.. im not promoting network marketing for any company... standards of living (especially living in a metropolitan urban concrete jungle) have increased ten-folds compared to our gran nannies and daddies time.. and no.. u can never find a decent meal at a cost of 50 cents anymore.. (unless ure starting out at a primary school...)

* Old Prophecy (Part Two) --> " Good job.. find a partner.. have a nice family..."

Ha-ha-ha.. ok.. who come up with that phrase..???? !! My goodness... ok.. your 'que sera sera.. watever will be, will be.." no.. that doesnt apply anymore.. smell the air of reality.. yes.. there's always the silver lining behind every cloud.. Pessimism lurking in every sentence...

ok.. breathe in and out... Hold on Tightly to your

3 F's :- Family, Friends & Faith in Him...

Yep! :-)

(To be continued...)

Salaaaam Namaste !!!

2006-05-12T12:16:00.000+08:00

Saaalaaaaam Namaste !!!!

Extremely Intoxicating.. Pure Indulgence.. Mmmm.... :-)

Roots of Insanity: -

* 8 hours full swing of work.. plus
* 3 hours dose of watching fantastic Hindi movie with your bestest pal.. plus
* 4 hours of belting your lungs out at Partyworld with your gd peeps.. plus
* 1 curry puff + 1 eclair + 1 hot mug of honey ... minus
* heart-wrenching memories of kingkong... divided by
* 2 complete world of beliefs

Equals to :-

* Complete insanity

* Singing to Myself (The 'Mic' is Da' Most Lethal Weapon of the Century man...) whilst lab practical been conducted (" Ahem.. Cher.. dis one not Partyworld .. heh)

* Tormenting students with my blasting of 100 Shah Rukh Khan Hindi songs while class test been conducted (muahahahaha...)--> tests have shown that its good to have both right and left brains workout..

* Panda eye bags

* 1001% crappiness

* Seeing images of my Shah Rukh waving at me... heck what ppl say.. i still love him (MAJOR RED ALERT: my brain needs some tuning, man..)

* Partial Absentminded - ness (yes... the gadget called 'Handphone' was left at home.. its a blessing in disguise.. hahaha..)

* Partial 'cork-eye' ness while reading msn messages (sori ain.. i forget to put that plastic round thing in my left eye.. wats the name of that plastic??? errr.. nvm)

* Hmm..strange.. kingkong gone BUT "My Dil (heart) goes Mmmmm.... :-)" strange.. nice feeling tho'.. maybe its an indication of brand new me.. (my dil still goes mmmm..)

* And yeah.. I dress down to work..really dress down.. (u noe u really dress down when ur colleagues start asking "eh.. y u so casual today?? wassup with the sandals??" heh..

* Penalty for my kids for not doing my chemistry tutorial:
"You owe me a box of chocolate, my dear... better be halal & good.. heh.."

Conclusion:

I love myself, my life, my peeps, my physically looking adult but toddler-minded kids in school.. & i love SHAH RUKH KHAN!!!!!!!!! hahahah... (Ok.. im Gone..hhahha..)

SING IT PEOPLE!!!!

"MY DIL GOES Mmmmmmmm.... my dil goes mmmmmm..... " hehe..

Btw.. ppl who needs to hear to good hindi songs... here's the link .. its free music.. but yah..u cant download.. but u can choose frm the wide range of songs.. its categorised according to movie.. heh..

http://www.musicindiaonline.com/l/17/i/

AND.. u can get my Salaam Namaste down here.. heh.. ENJOY...

http://www.musicindiaonline.com/l/17/s/movie_name.8031/

Match 'N' Make... A Sticky Situation...

2006-05-06T02:38:00.000+08:00

Its been close to half a year since my last entry.. and due to the constant demands from my peeps to update the blog.. eh heh.. so here goes..

'Match' n 'Make' of the 20th century ..

Who's up for the match n make game? Hands Up!! :-) (Dun worry..im not the ambassador for SDU ok..)

Life is so full of secrets.. and thats the best part of it.. when it starts to reveal its wonders bit by bit to you.. especially when you least expect it.. (or the last thing that you want to happen at that point of tym)

Its a wonder to find out that such match n make situations do exist..still exist in our modern day situation.. well.. mainly it has a few effects on the parties involved..

1) You welcome the idea with open arms.. :-)

OR

2) Escapism & Rejection (Basically, you dread the idea and run away from it)

OR

3) Acception / Self - Deception (Basically, accepting it despite the fact you dread it.. lying to yourself its gona be all fine.. yeah rite.. => some may perceive it as positive thinking..

It'll hit you harder when its been forced onto you.. especially if your mind, heart and soul is already tied to THAT one. Then comes the question of sacrifice.. hmm..

welcome to the grey area my fren..

You see.. in a typical movie settings.. you have the persistent traditional/conservative parents who happily arrange the marriages for their beloved son/daughter. Then, son/daughter will be caught between loyalty to parents and love to other innocent party (whose existence is not welcomed but somehow was there to complicate matters.. yes, the main culprit is love)..

If u happen to be in KKKG, the son still chooses the gurl over the father..
if u happen to be in DDLJ, the daughter still gets to marry the one that she loves..

Yeah..yeah.. its all happily ever after..

BUT...(that's in movie..) heh..

Smell the Air of Reality.. Here's a glimpse of it ...
(courteasy of an unfortunate / fortunate indivdual)

"Boy meets gurl..
Boy likes gurl...
Boy begins to love gurl..
Boy propose to gurl..
Gurl says Yes :-)(awwww...)
Boy tells father..
Father told boy "NO" (oh sh***t)
Boy supposed to marry girl whom father choose
Boy says OK.. (what d - heck??)
So, boy tells girl..
We remain as frenz..
Boy says bye bye..
The End.."

[Disclaimer: The characters mentioned above are purely fictional.. Any similarities or familiarities to real situations out there are purely coincidental.. ]

Hmm...

Qn: What the heck just happen?
Qn: Loyalty/ Love to parents.. How much wud you sacrifice for them?
Qn: WHo determines your life? Parents? You? Or the Al-Mighty Him? :-) We Shud noe the answer yeah.. But trust me... certain deluded inviduals dont..

Qn: Fate? How much do you rely on them?
Qn: A test of sincerity, love and loyalty in a relationship...? A complete failure in this case?
Qn: If boy ever comes back.. should gurl give boy a 2nd chance?
hmm..Tempting.. should gurl get herself burnt by going back to old flame?? hmm..
Qn: what the heck gurl is doin with such a boy?
Qn: its hard to push the blame.. and yeah..wun solve anything..

Sticky situation.. (How much we hate sticky situations...haiz...)

10, 9, 8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1... Happy New Year!!!!!! 2006

2006-01-01T15:00:00.000+08:00

31st dec

Time: 11.30am

damn.. (wat a word to start things off.. ) ok.. im supposed to be at the salon by noon.. n yet im still at home, rushing to get ready.. damn.. im always late.. (maybe i shall include another new year resolution --> to be punctual for appointments - social n personal ones, not just for work appts..)

Time: 1 pm.. Location : bukit gombak hair salon

Here i am sitting in a cosy salon environment.. attended by a sweet looking punk gurl part-timer.. dis is the first time in 3 years since ive decided to go to the hairdreeser to revive my hair.. the thinning of my hair is worrying me.. so ive decided to let the profesionals handle it rather than having me to have my own hair treatment in the toilet :-)

so.. we had a good hair wash.. a nice layered cut.. a blessful protein hair treatment.. followed by hair straightening.. and VIOLA!! i look like .. err.. somewhat younger.. fresher.. ahh.. as long as my hair is healthy.. dats all that matters..

one thing different about the salon.. somehow u dun feel that ure at the salon.. ppl are chatty.. friendly.. yes... the women bitch (yesh.. makes life more interesting dun they??) and we were all happily watching 'pontianak' story 2.. (i dint noe pontinak can ride a horse for that matter.. the next thing u noe, these pontianaks will drive a lamborghini or 'jaguar' soon enuff.. yah..our directors are losing their sane and logic nowadays.

i even met my old school madrasah school mate.. wat a coincidence..

oh yah.. there was this small little naughty gurl, whose cheeks are as round as eggs, who came for a haircut with her granma before she sets out for nursery school next year..

u shud have seen her... she was so bubbly.. brave enuff to come to smell the protein cream that was on my hair.. extremely intrigue by the steam coming out from my head..tickling all the customers who were around.. hehe.. she can barely sit still for a haircut.. but trust me.. after the haircut.. she looks even more adorable.. liek a little china doll with puffed-up cheeks.. hehe

its nice to be in a place where u feel rite at home.. maybe that's how u forged a bond with your hairdressers huh?

Time: 3 pm.

Ok.. 3 pm.. not bad i took 2 hours on my hair.. hehe..

Time: 7.30 pm... location: jurong swimming complex

Here i am sitting with ain selling countdown tickets at the front most gate.. aisha.. always up to sumthing on every new year eve's.. well this tym we are volunteering again with yuhua c.c. (yes.. helping kak mus out again..) the only difference this tym... we had another partner to help us out.. our old uni fren ..mustafa.. hehe.. of all the times to have him around.. but it was fun.. just having him around make me felt as though i was there for an MS event instead.. it seems that we were doing what information counter ppl should do instead of selling tickets.. ah-mahs, ah-peks.. pakcik..makcik.. ah-chis.. we were all directing them to the goodie bag counter.. something the cc should have foresee.. lack of direction sign boards.. heh..

Time: 11 pm

here we are at al- majlis.. happily enjoying my crispy chicken.. yummy..
new year's celebration dint turn out to be as 'happening' as i expect it to be.. except the usual entertainment by a rather stiff bellydancer.. and not-tht- bad vocalist ..

well.. i tink the kids had more fun than we do .. partying with all the poppers and mini trumpets and not forgetting their 'sprays' and funky party hats.. worn by the adults too.. hehe..

Time: 1 am

home sweet home...

"2005, a year filled with many happy and also sad moments. Whatever mistakes were done then, cannot be undone. Whatever bitterness of life we experience, we keep it only as a lesson in life. May 2006 will bring us closer even with our difference. May we learn to care and share. May we forgive and forget. May we cherish our loved ones throughout our lives. Hope the new year ahead will help us appreciate life with lots of love, faith, hope and dignity."

Ageing.. No one can stop it.. Not even anti-oxidants

2006-01-01T14:25:00.000+08:00

U noe that time is catching up upon u when u start attending grad nite.. but its not urs.. but your students.. ;-) there they are clad in the minimal amount of cloth as possible.. (we noe who ahh..), glitters & glamour here n there.. gravity defying hairstyles heh..

D day started off with a long college day.. followed a dash window shopping around suntec city, trying to fill up our time before we are required to be seated for the next event (which is to end at an estimated time of .. err.. midnite?) haiz.. u bet it was a loooooooong day for me n my collegues..

nevertheless.. we were salvage by the not-so-bad 8 course meal dinner plus some cheapoh singing entertainment by aspiring amateurs singers.. who cant seem to make it.. (luckily the bad was blessed by good instrumentalists)..

To further 'lighten' the whole entire grad nite mood.. we had a pretty predictable host who made the school do the chicken dance along with the cheeky tune n our skimply dress prom queen.. (including the head of the school.. hmm... something u dun get to see everyday.. heh.. ) despite having to dance around the dinner table.. i was still tinking of my heavenly pillow n bed at home.. yes.. i hear them 'calling'..

grad nite.. prom nite.. hmm.. never been much of interest to me.. except for expensive dinner settings.. n free food.. good food that is.. hehe.. oh yes.. so called door gift n lucky draws.. seeing your school mates in their best attire... n besides that.. i couldnt tink of anything else..

oh.. its the last tym you will get to see your whole entire class... yah.. the last tym ive seen my classmates .. all of them.. was during my prom nite.. we were busy taking photos of one another.. n i even snap a photo with this guy whom i hated throughout my school days.. well... in a good sense we parted positively.. no more hatred.. just the sweet memories of picking on each other during school days..

well.. dis is just the beginning.. im looking forward for more grad nites in years to come.. n as years pass by .. its goin to be more significant for me n my 'babies to be'whoa re going to be under my care & supervision.. heh..

ah well.. time & tide wait for no man.. not even woman.. :-)

Getting Something Started

2005-12-25T13:50:00.000+08:00

It seems to be ages since ive actually written anything worth reading.. heh.. the past 1 yr was full of spice, not forgetting all the bittersweet memories.. some to be hold on to dearly.. while some are meant to let go..

Finally ive completed my teaching postgrad diploma.. it was not a breeze through experience.. who can forget the datelines.. files.. lesson plans after lesson plans.. assignments which seems never ending... BUT let's not forget the company that i had back in campus times.. my group of nyonya friends.. and a new found companion : mr king kong :-)

I couldnt possible penned down every single moment that took place.. but things somehow took a much different route than what i expect it to be..

let me see.. this year.. ive learn how to use the dreamweaver software.. flash.. (attended a 3 long day course.. & ironically.. i actually forget how to use it now.. hehe).. technincally more IT savvy..

ive better sense of direction in singapore that is.. (obviuosly its still quite minimal.. but i still get there.. by foot..) A whole strings of frenz' wedding invitations, especially during the dec month.. Finally belonging to a school for 3 years at least.. no longer shifting around.. new cousin-in-law.. and im becoming an aunty soon..

Time seems to be catching up pretty quickly without u realising it really..

i noe im not supposed to be so over zeolous about the new year and all.. new resolutions.. proposed changes to be made in the new year.. (wat a joke..coz most of the time.. it is still on the following year's resolution list..hehe..)

"What are your plans this year to get something started? What changes are you making in your life?"

Changes.. How many of us would really nugde out of that comfort zone to change for the better.. hmm.. tough question.. tough mission i tell u but it does no harm putting them in black n white.. so.. ive decided to have checklist.. of the things to be achieved.. may not necesarily be acheived by 2006.. (let's not get too tight up about it yeah..)

ok..here goes..

"Mission Impossible To Be Achieved"(hopefully..)

1. Learning how to cook.. (damn.. i just wonder how am i gona do this.. maybe i could do with some help from my dear gfs..)

2. Reduce procrastination (to eliminate it entirely would be too idealistic)

3. Get back to the mode of volunteerism.. (i miss doing all those visiting.. organising.. hopefully i will be assigned to the rotaract club cca.. so i can round up those kids to do some good..)

4. To be able to fit into my currect jeans.. (need some workout to maintain that..)

5. run 10 km standard chartered marathon.. (10 km will do.. let's not get too ambitious..)

6. Less mood swings.. less sulky.. less 'perangai macam siak' (throwing tantrums for nuthin) less stubborn.. hmm..

7. pass driving.. hmm.. i just wonder when..

8. travel to far away place (and no.. not K.L again.. but seriously dun mind going back to holiday inn batam.. hehe.. how bout bintan or redang ppl??)

9. reduce my calamari dengue (sotongness a.k.a selengerness) gotta work on dat man.. its catching up on me too frequently..

10. get back to my active and adventurous mode.. hmm.. shall consider climbing mount kinabalu wid azah.. need to get that blood and oxygen pumping..

11. more karaoke.. hahaha..

12. less shisha.. ahem ..hmm... tough.. let's make it once every 2 months.. amacam??

13. treasure and appreciate life more with my loved ones and my peeps...

14. save more, donate more, spend less.. hmm.. its all a matter of self-discipline.. sounds too noble.. (having the fact that it comes from me.. heh)

well.. i think ive got all down.. so.. now i shall start with no. 2.. reduce procrastination.. gotta get back to work.. haiz..

Self - Profiling..

2005-12-25T12:55:00.000+08:00

Boredom has driven me to do the strings of dumb surveys.. so-called trying to learn more about myself.. but trust me most of them.. aren't that true.. im sure those who knows me well enuff would agree 1001% on it..

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtfulBut you also haven't stopped thinking of yourselfYou're the perfect blend of independent and caringYou're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/goodgirlfriendquiz/">Are You a Good Girlfriend?

well.. the part where i havent stopped thinking about myself .. let me add on the fact that ive got that egoistic streak in me too.. & that drives many people nuts.. Independent ..yap.. caring.. of coz.. (only to those whom i noe of coz.. so, unknowns may stay away..) Total catch..??? hmm... Let's just put it as average catch... hehe.. im not flawless u noe..

Your Scent is Pumpkin Pie

Warm, comforting, and a bit old fashionedYou've got what men want - believe it or not!

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatscentareyouquiz/">What Scent Are You?

They called me old fashioned??? Wat??? I cant even stand the songs sang by my frens.. "hari ini kau datang jua.. " arghh.. its not that bad.. but its thsoe kind of songs where it sticks on your mind.. irritating i would say.. (btw, i miss karaoke.. im resorting to singing in front of my pc).. Most of the tym i may be blur .. but one thing for sure.. i dun like pumpkin.. cranberries smells good though..(btw.. its a picture of pumpkin which refuse to come out)

You Are a Carnation

You are down to earth and grounded. You tend to be more traditional than trendy.Your confidence gets you through anything.People trust you and are very loyal to you.

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatflowerareyouquiz/">What Flower Are You?

its funny coz i find carnations so "aunty- aunty" u noe.. prefer daisies.. white or orange daisies.. plus a little bit of baby's breath.. sweet.. but they've got the character description on target tho..

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatkindofgirlareyouquiz/">What Kind of Girl Are You?

hmm.. brainy huh.. weird.. coz i seems to forget where i place my brains most of the time.. heh.. books get me going .. thats for sure.. favourite hang out place - MPH, Borders, Kinokuniya, Times.. good books there.. currently im reading 'Physical Chemistry" textbook.. yah.. trying to complie notes before school reopens.. hehe..

Men See You As Understated

You are an intreguing mix of girl and woman.You're feminine, quiet, and a total mystery to most men.Yet they often feel the urge to protect you, even if they don't know you.You *are* a flirt, but you usually only flirt with those you know well

How'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/howdomenseeyouquiz/">How Do Men See You?

I dun flirt!!! do i ?? hmm... wrong person lah.. quiet ?? hahah... the best joke of all..

So True... ( Courteasy of of Ain..)

2005-09-08T14:31:00.000+08:00

Im 18 Years Old !!!

2005-07-12T23:51:00.000+08:00

You Are 18 Years Old

18

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

What Does Your Birth Date Mean??

2005-07-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: March 28

Your birth on the 28th day of the month (1 energy) adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your Life Path.
The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated.
A birthday on the 28th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach.

Unlike much of the other 1 energy, this birthday is one that endow with the ability to start a job and continue on until it is finished.
You may prefer to use the broad brush, but you can handle details as well.
You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed.
You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

A Creed To Live By...

2005-07-08T22:45:00.000+08:00

A Creed to Live By

Don't determine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what others deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart;
cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingersby living in the past or for the future.
By living your life ONE DAY AT A TIME you will live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over... until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect;
it is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks,
It's by taking chances we learn how to be brave.

Don't shut LOVE out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.

The quickest way to receive LOVE is to give LOVE,
the fastest way to lose LOVE is to hold it too tightly
and the best way to keep LOVE is to give it wings.

Don't dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams is to be without HOPE;
To be without HOPE is to be without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only
WHERE YOU'VE BEEN -- but also --
WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

Life isn't a race, but......IT'S A JOURNEY -- TO BE SAVORED EACH STEP OF THE WAY.

March Babies Celebrate!!

2005-03-31T01:10:00.000+08:00

Pilates..

Breathe in.. Hold it for 10 secs.. and slowly.. breathe it out.. whooo....

Trust me, breathing in has never been such a tough task until me and Ain attended our new pilates class. We were told to breathe in such that our diaphragm expands not our chest. Initially, that was fine until we were told to breathe such that our diaphragms expand sideways (not protruding outwards)!!! Hmm.. it took the instructor 3 months to master that, what's more novices like us?? well.. aside from mastering the the breathing technique, the rest were fine... slow and relaxing pace. Come to think of it.. I expected something much more vigourous.. hehe.. well.. its only the first lesson..

Happy Birthday to Aisha and Ain!!! (Selamat Hari Tua!!!)

The evening event was followed by a so-called 'suprise' birthday dinner for me and Ain, organised by our close peeps. So, obviously we had to pretend that we didn't know a single thing.. (actually I really did not know about it until Jazi came over to fetch us and ask if I was free after our pilates.. well.. assumptions..)

Well..well..well.. what do we have here? We found ourselves at Swensens at PS, and ahh... our other friends, Reza and Huda..were here too.. aww... so touching..

Dinner was superb.. followed by a surprise black forest ice cream birthday cake with 2 lighted candles.... (so much for trying to lose weight) I know its rare for me to get emotional but this time, I was really touched by the efforts made (after knowing who is the main people to organise it.. haha.. Ahh.. love you guys loads.. I really do.. :)

Pilates and Birthday surprise.. what could be a better combination??

For all the birthday wishes from all my close peeps.. THANK YOU!!!!

Time to let the cat out of the bag..

2005-03-25T01:39:00.000+08:00

Secrets?

How long can you keep them? A few days.. a few months.. some even bury them for years..eons.....

How often should we hide stuffs from others?

Well, I came across this article from TODAY (today's paper); asians are found to be more reserved about their inner thoughts & feelings. It also state that we have this constant 'bad' habit of bottling things up.. as much as we could.. till the pressure builds up in the bottle..and... BLAST OFF!!!

Well.. the consequences of such a situation vary of course.. depending on your environment and your inner mind, heart and soul power. Honestly speaking, I am very much guilty of the situation above. My 'retention power' started to drain off gradually as the years passed by.. There and then, I started to question myself: -

Are all these efforts of hiding the real truth (or the real you for that matter) worth it ?? ?

Hey, if it leads to self-destruction.. you know you've got to get out of that rut, somehow or rather.. Yeah.. no more hiding in the closet or in your own created fantasy world... Pull Up that Socks.. or stockings..

However, unfortunately, in the harsh reality of life, things are always easier said than done.

So why do we keep secrets???

1) Fear & Shame

2) Rejection

3) Ridiculed

4) Must save the 'face' / the 'persona'.. keep in untarnished.

5) To feel accepted (must look good all the time)

6) Attempt to erase past

So, 'ms confused' here tried to draw up my own set of strategies, in getting myself out of sticky situations.

1: Weigh the pros and cons.

(Remember: Only fools rush in, Bigger fools dive in & never to re-surface)

Writing them down would be a BIG help. 'Thinking and thinking' will only lead you to an increased intake of Panadols at the end of the day. Having a journal or talking it out to someone whom u trust with all your life helps.

2: Hypothesis of Consequences.

3. Be Sure, Be decisive, No hesitations.

4. 4 C's

Courage, Confidence, Calmness & finally be Cool about it..

hmm.. this should be a gd start.. wish me luck.. (",)

Its a Love - Hate Relationship (with the car, that is..)

2005-03-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

OK.. Im back.. wheels started moving again.. literally.. Today, I started to continue my practical driving lessons after a looooooong time.. (close to a year, my friend.. u bet it was rusty..).

"First lesson"

I was nervous.. all i could remember was how to start the engine.. wait a minute.. am i suppose to press the accelerator a little bit while starting the engine?? yes..no?? ok.. never mind..

Starting was slow.. and jerky ok.. I was so tensed... to make matters worst..Ive got a new instructor who used that metal rod (which we, educators, used in sch..!!).. ok, didnt expect anyone to use it on me now.. (lesson: Ive just realise how intimidated I felt as a student.., Sorry kids.. I promised I wouldn't use it in class ever again..well.. only when it is REALLY needed)

Trauma of the day: D**N T***T SLOPE...

For those novice drivers out there.. u can imagine the sheer anxiety.. fear.. clueless.. afraid of crashing into whoever is behind u .. and sitting beside this toad instructor who kept telling me to go .. never mind.. just whack.. what?? ok..which first?? clutch? brake?? or brake 1st?? signal?? (Mr Toad: turning point..turning point.. how can u forget that??)

Great.. just what I needed at this point of time... now the car stall.. it wun move forward.... (apparently, i lift the clutch too early.. not much acceleration..).. okoko.. For GOD's sake!!! I press the "d**n" thing oredi lah.. arghh... (im at the verge of breaking down .. pls move..)

Does that shout 'frustration' ? Well..obviously, i didnt throw all that straight to the instructor's face.. Fatigue leads to a perpetual surrender and to just act "sotong".. Honestly, at that point of time.. I felt that this was the worst day of my life.. (ok.. i was exaggerating.. maybe the worst day of the week) I've never felt tormented ...and you bet it was the LAST thing i need at the end of the day..... well.. it will soon be over..

Consolation out of the whole tormenting ordeal :- I'm goin to pass this thing.. and get out soon.. real soon..

Ranchu & Karaoke.. Substitute to Dewa.

2005-03-01T12:02:00.000+08:00

Ranchu.

Its a fish.. dun worry ..I, too, didnt realise that it is a fish. Well..not until I visited Yuhua Cc. Ain & I were volunteering to assist our friend, Mus, in one of the events which her committee was organising. It turned out to be a competition whereby they would judge the fishes from side view and top view.

Introducing the "Tosai Ranchu"!!!

That's one of the breed of ranchu fishes. Upon hearing its name, it made me wondered if these fishes were first sighted in India. Maybe they would even have "Nan Ranchu" or "Prata ranchu"..

Whatever the names were.. trust me.. for those whose contact with fishes, were mainly on their plates as meal or at underwater world (like people me..), all the fishes look the same!!!
Mainly orange, fat, super round, montel giler.. with that bubbly head which looks a little bit deformed to me.. well.. more of giant goldfishes..

I guess my interaction with the Mendaki kids were more fruitful rather than my interactions with the underwater world creature. I assisted Kak Mus to babysit 11 adorable kids (who happen to be attending lessons at the CC while their parents attend a course on whatever it was.. ) So, here we are.. occupying the row of seats (behind the invited guest..whom I believe is some lady MP..pardon my ignorance..) You can bet I look like a surrogate widow with 11 stray kids.. well.. it was good enough that they behaved.. the cute thing was.. they clapped and cheered for every participant that won .. (despite the fact they didnt know any of them.. )

Well.. as usual, to end the outing.. KTV. hehe... After 2 weeks .. they actually updated their list of songs.. and what could beat the joy singing to Jamelia's superstar.. hehe.. In fact, this time, we had a strategy - to sing new songs by familiar singers.. it didnt turn out that badly.. but we ended up choosing way too many songs..

So, joining us for the next trip ? Well, tak dapat gi concert Dewa.. nyanyi KTV jadi lah.. LOL..

Friendships..

2005-02-26T02:29:00.000+08:00

Peeps.. kakis.. members.. friends.. u name it.. i'm thankful to have them in my life ..

Letter of the day: F

(I just love the sound of it.. I'm not refering to the bad "F" ok..)

F for friday.. F for freedom .. F for friends...

Friday..

One must be simply out of this world to actually lament on the coming of Friday..

Going out on 'dates' with your best pals, just simply chatting over cups of mint tea plus nuts & raisins chocolates.. or cruising into the regime of going to Body Shop trying out all the lotions & perfumes (the testers are placed there for a purpose ok.. btw, dewberry scent is out.. it's smell a little bit like your daily washing detergent .. well, Im sticking to passion fruit plus that squeeze of strawberry lotion..)

Well, its eeeeven... more syyyyiok to savor that mouth-watering yoghurt blueberry plus 'feerraro rocheo' ice-cream at your favourite ice-cream parlor.. (heck with diets .. Can hardly remember when was the last time I exercise.. most probably running after bus or the mrt during the morning peak hours )

To add on to the girl stuffs list .. the outing wouldnt be complete without trying out clothes at Mango sale.. Giordano (been wanting to get that cool pair of denim jeans.. well...gotta hang till my next pay.. )

And to eventually conclude the day (by that time, it was close to 10 pm) .. lepak-ing (nongkrong2 / hanging out) at Arab Street.. Blisss....

Salute' to friendships now & the future..

mon.... tues...(only tues??)...wed...thur.... (where's friday??)......

2005-02-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

OK.. Im losing it.

This week is definitely a drag for me. Time seems to be crawling like forever.. weekends seems to be so near yet so far... Tons of assignments.. Procrastination seems to be seeping through my veins .. my brains.. my limbs.. Thus the fear of "Spiral Effect" overwhelms.. ironically, i didn't do anything about it.. Hopeless Bum...

I think im suffering from a disease - 'Sleeping Syndrome'
(and its getting almost out of hand)

1) i kept yawning during lectures (which seems perfectly fine initially.. at least i was putting in efforts to be awake.. with a little intervention from munching "hello pandas chocolates" .. im gettin on better)

2) i was practically dozing off on every journey to school & home.. (even while i am standing in the mrt)
my worries:- miss the station (late for class .. DIE DIE), accidentally lean on some stranger (its all fine if the fella happen to be a gd looking hunk..but its hazardous if i were to drool while being 'away' in fantasy land with some dude..) DEFINITELY A NO NO ..

3) By the time i reach home.. i immediately seek the comforts of the bed & pillows, especially after having my lunch- cum- dinner (sleeping after eating!!! so much for trying to avoid gastrointestinal pains all this while..)

Negative Consequences:

- haven't do my assignments
- restlessness
- overwhelming boredom
- extreme mental block
- lethargicness
- lost of interest (in practically everything.. except watching Ally Mcbeal series evry 5 pm)
- day-dreaming or staring blankly into space

Root of problem (Hypothesis) :-

I'M DEPRIVED OF KARAOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (WAHH....hhhhhhhhhh... ) arghhh.... ... im losing the colours of life!!!!
Eh people.. can we plsssssssssssssssssss go next week... ????

Recommended Interventions / Cures:

1) Exercise

well.. i can hardly remember when was the last time i sufficiently pump that blood to my head.. ( the only exercise regime was running after the bus/ mrt during the morning rush hour) Even my mum has started her routine by going down to the stadium every Saturday & Sunday morning (tagging my father along to be involved in her new found healthy life style). Been wanting to take up yoga .. but oh never mind.. some day..

2) KTV

self- explanatory.

3) Arab STreet..

(well close peeps.. you Know for what lah ahh.. - looking forward for friday nites... Anyone is welcomed to join .. Ameen will be more than happy .. the more the merrier..)

4) My Dear Peeps..

Awww..... okok.. finally catching up with my social life ... weekends... weekends... the last time we met was during the our date to watch Anugerah Planet Muzik 2005 (which was a blast anyway.. finally got to see in- person Ariel from Peterpan, even Dewa:- mind blowing performance, the 3 Divas - melly, K.D. Siti were spectacular & Saiful Apek.. Apa Kes Ni?? Dua belas lagu skali gus.. Main bedal jer lagu orang.. tapi Gua tetap salute' sama lu.. kamulah Kebanggaan Negara Malaysia.. hehe.. )

2005-02-17T19:06:00.000+08:00

I have a strong feeling that I'm going to drive this one someday... someday..

Love is in the air...

2005-02-17T18:39:00.000+08:00

Love Chemistry.... MUAH.....!!!

I am attracted to you..
Like an electron to a proton
Together we form an ionic bond
Though we are opposite charged ions
I am drawn to you
Our love is unique as an orbital
For only two electrons can fill this space

As my love for you increases
My energy level rises
I am in this excited state
Increasing the tendency to form a chemical bond

I was an element
It took you to make me a compund substance
Falling in love with you is a chemical reaction
Which cause my love for you to grow..

Ours is an exothermic love
Each for giving off love not just absorbing it
Sometimes you do something especially nice
Which speeds up the chemical process
Like a catalyst in my increasing love for you

I realise we have our inhibition periods
Ans sometimes I am selfish enough
To be endotehrmic reaction
Only absorbing your love

The feeling I have for you is so intense
It cannot be measured in kilojoules
Often I have to make a qualitative elemntary analysis
To understand and love you more

But i don't expect to know your empirical formula
You are too complex a person for that

When you are gone
I am a noble gas
An inert substance

When I am without you
The world seems still
And I am at equilibrium..

Courteasy of Unknown...

Plead the Fleeting Moment to Remain..

2005-02-15T23:23:00.000+08:00

Al-Fatihah.. In Loving Memory of my Mak Wan (granma) - Maznah Bte Awal, 13 Feb 2005.

Family. Nuclear or extended.. so be it. Most importantly, we are blessed with one. A major part of my life evolves much around my maternal family side, due to the fact that my parents had decided to settle in Singapore eversince they tied the knot together. As a result, special occasions & school holidays were the only times where my siblings & I are able to keep in touch with our relatives located across the Causeway, may it be in Jasin or K.L. In fact, I can't even remember when was the last time we actually met the whole entire family (like we used to when i was very much younger..) at Mak Wan's kampung..

13 Feb 2005. 5a.m.

The day when i was awoken by the breaking news of the death of my Mak Wan. We headed immediately for kampung that very morning.. Never would I expect to return kampung for such a purpose.. not this... As much as I want to return to the place, where i used to run around, played hide & seek 'bawah kolong' or play-pretend at the front porch of the house with my cousins.. it never cross my mind that there would come the day where, this is the reason of our return to the village.

11 a.m. Location: Jasin, Jalan Kesang Tua, Melaka.

We were welcomed by the curious expressions & stares of many of the villagers (whom I assumed to be mainly relatives and close family friends living around the vicinity). I was desperately looking for the familiar faces of my cousins whom I meet twice a year, unless there are any other special gatherings taking place at the village, happy occassion that is. My brother (the anak mat saleh sesat) was the centre of attention, as usual. Even the elderly aunties were closely analysing my face (trying to dig their memory box where they've seen this girl)as i reached out my hand to pay my respects to them.As a family, we headed into the house, already filled with people. We paid our respect to my granma.. as some of the puzzled-looking makciks looked on. There she was, lying peacefully & motionless as i kissed her cold forehead. As usual, at every death of any of my close relative, I was expressionless & emotionless.. as though my conscious was just leading me on to do the right thing, while blocking my box of emotions. All i could do was to stare at my granma, while trying to comfort my little cousin. The sad thing was the fact that I didn't spend much time with my granma to feel the impact of her death, unlike my other cousins.

One by one, kissed her for the last time. That was the time in 5-6 years, where I saw my all of my aunties, uncles & cousins present, to bid my granma goodbye. It was as though with the leaving of Mak Wan, it had brought the whole entire family back together.. A blessing in disguise indeed.

Today was the day that I know my granma's full name, Maznah Bte Awal, the first time I visited my late grandfather (Tok Aki) & both great grandmothers' grave...

Finally..

I thought I would never get to do all these, looking at the low frequency of having me to return back to kampung. Nevertheless, I was grateful.. to be able to meet my cousins.. Weird to say, I was very much happy to spend time, cleaning up, talking, gossiping, updating one another on his/her life, joking, remembering the days when we were as playful as the younger ones, it was as though I was brought back to the times when we were running around playing bunga api or mercun while Mak Wan, Aki & our fathers were cooking the dodol paste or preparing lemang.. Even the young ones warmed up quickly to us.. joking and playing with us. It was definitely a heart- warming moment.. and yeah..

I wished it would just remain there, as it is..
"Plead the fleeting moment to remain.."

The only constant thing in life is Change.. Things have changed tremendously over the years.. yet trust me.. the feeling of satisfaction were there to stay. It was the only thing which keeps you going back to where you actually belong.From this trip, I've finally discovered where I've got my passion of reading (since im always considered abnormal for having reading as my hobby since my mum detests on the idea of reading). I felt so at home when i realised that my other cousins were into reading as well; right from the newspaper to magazines to novels.. ahh... its the paternal genes.. for once.. I had a reading company..

From this trip too, I just remembered that my name is 'Dak Sha Sha' -represents for 'budak Sha sha'.. (most of them were asking me if I was 'Dak Sha Sha' & I couldn't answer obviously, until my mum came to my rescue, assuring them that I am "Dak Sha Sha") Well..at least, it sounds better than 'Esah.. ' The people there have this tendency to call anyone starting with 'Dak'.. So you can imagine the grandaunties & granduncles calling my father - 'Dak Lan' . Weird? Well.. welcome to Jasin..

Even the granduncles, who used to tease me & my cousin yanti (we were the famous naughty duo during those golden years), couldnt recognise us at all.. Some didn't change to a certain extent suprisingly .. For instance, Ive got this young hip rock granduncle who loves to wear his shirt barring his midriff (dier maseh buat gitu sey.. badan pun maseh sekeping..haha..) Some of the 'used to be good looking' uncles , who used tease us, have now settled down & you will be surprised that they looked like they fit to be your granfather (Hai.. dah jadi bapak budak...) Well.. maybe this is what the Hindustani movies were trying to portray when one fella who's been staying in the concrete jungle finally return to the where they belong.. the feeling.. the joy, the sadness, the kecohness, the family bond..I tell you .. I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world..

5 pm, Monday, 14 feb 2005

Well.. we were there for only 2 days.. However, the memories were definitely worth a lifetime.. As we were about to leave, one of my little cousins were asking when will we return.. After assuring him (& myself) that we will be back for my elder cousin's wedding in May.. he finally returned my smile.. Looking back at the young ones standing at the gate, waving goodbye excitedly at us..I know that we will be going back again.. InsyaAllah..

2005-02-12T02:24:00.000+08:00

Look Out for this Hot Chick on the Road..

Farewell gift -> Yellow Ang-Baos Called 'Cha-Cha'

2005-02-12T02:20:00.000+08:00

Well ..sad to say (not THAT sad..) today was my last day at work, at one of the infamous neighbourhood school. The so-called the 'school experience' for 5 weeks passed by too quickly for me to actually invest that much of an attachment feeling to the school.. Despite this, saying 'goodbye' to my current bunch of aspiring 'zoo enthusiasts' - majority had similar behavioral attributes to the current dwellers there, you see, was kinda of 'touching'.. ..

It all started out by making them write me an involuntary -turn- voluntary anonymous 'love notes' to me.. (getting them to be in the mood for Valentine's day.. yah rite..!)

Obviously, I was not asking for the traditional sappy heartbreaking love notes.. but instead, they had to answer my anti-climax questions:-

1) Why do u Love me so much?? (eeee..... wah liao.. puke puke.. ..hahahah.. just kidding.. i do not need the letter to tell me that you guys gonna miss me.. hahhaahha...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok seriously.. here goes..

1) What part of my lesson do you like most? (its a way for me to basically gauge how berserk i can be when i am in the actual classroom settings..)

2) Which Chemistry topic they find it hard to understand (even after reading it umpteen times to the point that they give up..)? U should see the boredom on their faces during the lessons.. my gratitude to those who tried to stay awake.. by yawning or standing..

3) How do you actually study for Chemistry? (not studying is an option, though,franckly speaking, its not a wise option.. it was never, in fact..)

4) The rest of the content.. no limits..

Ahh.. its the last part which makes life so interesting.. especially when it comes to freedom of expression from the creative/ sarcastic bunch..

Let me share some of the replies that were rather eye-catching..

Dear Ms A,

-I love u very much because.. there are very few people who are shorter than me - no offence..

-Sometimes the lesson can be rather boring.. but your 'tarzan' voice keeps me awake :p

-Felt like she is one of the students too.. maybe its because of the age or could be the height... hehe..cool..

-Kind, great & short..

As you can see from the above.. alot of attention was focused to my natural gift of being petite.. well.. at least they were trying to be honest.. and sincere .. This is the only class whereby you get to see one of the male students holding on dear to his bear raccoon keychain..(practically everytime) an unexpected act from someone who intially seems to carry that 'bo-chap ah-beng' look.. This is the class that you definitely would like to take up when you first embark on your professional teaching career track.. a morale booster packed with loads of fun!!

(Too bad for those who were absent.. u guys missed getting my yellow Cha-cha 'ang baos' ... )

Come on, I'm not that mean to spoil the festive season mood.. Ive left your share with your favourite Chemistry teacher.. Claim them on Monday.. that is if there are any leftovers.. hah!

Packed with a good facial treatment at the end of the day plus a good book & good brewed coffee.. what more can I ask for?? (Chocolates would be good.. Belgium or Delfii please.. )

Another Hottie on the Run.. (Temperature Running High!!!!!)

2005-02-09T14:50:00.000+08:00

My Vamp_005 .. Whoa...Getting Hot Hot... Ahhhh.... Smoooooooth....

Gists of Me.... (Never Judge a Book by its Cover..)

2005-02-08T02:55:00.000+08:00

Human Being: Gullwing_jazz.

Indulgence in Food:

Dunkin Donuts (normal intake = 3 minimum), Cinnabon Cheese Puffs, Sushi (all courteasy of the Malaysian Govt), yogurt, chocolates (Belgium will do.. ), cheesecakes (chicago or blueberry), KFC's cheese fries, Ooty's dhosai & briyani, laksa (exclusively at Penang roadside only), Banquet J.P. Popiah, Durian / Malacca 'Lempuk Durian' - a.k.a durian past with brown sugar (gula melaka), Malaysian Seafood ahh..

Obsession:

Karaoke (Loyal customer of KTV Partyworld), Travelling (J.B pun jadi.. at least once every 3 months), Sheesha (needed it, at least once a month), sleeping & music.

Detests: Extreme cold weather (willing to stay stinko if hot water not available), dangdut clubs plus the whole entire industry of it, extreme public expression of 'love' at public areas, 2- faced / backstabber individuals & of course, not forgetting MCPs & when my PC goes 'nazak'/dead on me.. (help Cik Ilah & Cik Ameen !!!!), mat 'kotai's or mat 'rempit's.

1) If I don't get my way....

I might just try to impose on others. Push it hard until i get the vibes that it is wrong..hehe.. Sometimes i just shuddup.. and tolerate.. vent it on karaoke..

2) Greatest strength: Loyality in Friendship & Strong-headedness

3) I usually react to negative comments by .....

listening (sometimes..if I'm not tired or have the mood). Most of the times I calm myself down.. (if i know its supposed to be gd) If not, .....lalalalalalala..... (huh? huh? eh..need to go toilet ahh.. urgent.. wah liao ^$^%^%*&^@#@#@. Coooool.... Relek...)

Bad Habits :

Bitting on my straw, overly used expression 'macam siak', naggy, shake my leg (when i sit, waiting to cross the road.. or nervous, or when im thinking very deeply..), judgemental (at times..), 'nantuk' instead of 'ngantuk', losing my cool when jokes starts to touch on sensitive personal issues (i know its a joke.. mind your own 'ahem' can???), sounding as though im scolding you when i talk.. (somehow lack of that feminine hormones in that area, i admit.. nothing to worry if u do me no wrong.. im enjoying the conversation .. ), all so sensitive when im cranky & lack of sleep & indecisivity.. (is there such word to start with???)

Latest addition:-

ok.. (courteasy of prabz.. :- I do eat my chicken bones damn clean.. if yours arent, most prob i clean it up.. im saving food ok.. even though its gross.. well..at least i dun 'eat' my mother's bones like someone.. hehe..) plus the fact that i play with my food sometimes.. mix here n there.. chilli with coke.. the pepper.. plus the salt.. wana the ketchup..ok.. barbacue sauce? k.. a damn gd marinate for that bbq- sweet-tangy-mild taste.. u may add lemonade to add zest to the taste buds.. Bon- Apetite!!

Hey You Out There....

2005-02-06T17:12:00.000+08:00

Ya ya..its another personality test.. but trust me, it helps if you are trying to learn to understand yourself better..

Are you the Blamer or the Leveller or the Distractor or the Cool Cookie.. ?? (Guys, you're obviously welcome to try it out...) Have Fun...

http://quiz.ivillage.co.uk/uk_relationships/tests/personality.htm

TAAA..DAAAA>>>>>> The Verdict :- The Leveller

1) Who are you - and why?

As a leveller, you've got your life together. While other personalities major too much on thinking or feeling, you are in perfect balance. You respond to situations with clear-sightedness, taking your cue from your feelings, but using your mind to help you make decisions and action plans.

2) The positives:

You're very together. You really take life by the scruff of the neck and do what you want with it. You make and achieve your goals because you have all the bits of the lifestyle jigsaw.

3) The negatives:

There aren't many other people like you. You might sometimes feel you're the only sorted person in the world! The leveller at work: You are a good colleague and team member able to support but also keep people on task. You're particularly good at management roles where the need is to balance out different sets of needs without getting swamped by your feelings.

4) The leveller in love:

You are a great partner because you rarely get hooked into the sort of destructive patterns that many of the other personality types do. Your love match is: Your ideal pairing is with a leveller and you'll both live happily ever after. With any of the other personality types you risk doing all the giving, simply because you are more together than they are.

5) What should you do?

Carry on doing what you're doing and make sure that your friends, relatives, colleagues and partners are duly grateful for your having you around.

U Gotta Check Out This Babe.. HOT Siah..

2005-02-06T14:22:00.000+08:00

My Obsession.. Venom.. Got Time for A Ride...

Chill Down Bytes...

2005-02-06T02:30:00.000+08:00

Gists of Quickies..

Quickie 1:Check twice before making bold statements. Do the math again. Does it add up?

Overview:You never thought you'd be in the mood to work overtime, but here you are -- to-do list in hand, totally unwilling to be coerced into leaving the premises until your list is completed. Don't worry. It's temporary.

Trust me.. this is such a coincidence..I've been feeling this way eversince i started at JTSS. Making lists of what-to-do (ive wasted alot of Post-It's on tht..) ..leaving school at 5-6 pm.. (i was thinking maybe i was at the lower end of my productivity scale).. and suddenly..this horoscope reading just coincidentally further confirm my hypothesis.. how interesting..but yah.. its o-n-l-y t-e-m-p-o-r-a-r-y... hmm..

Quickie 2: This task only seems overwhelming. Break it into parts. You can do it.

An important focus of mindset for anyone who's stuck in a deep cow dung poop.

Quickie 3:The ground is shaky and prone to upheaval. Walk slowly. And don't get cocky

Overview:If you're single, don't bother looking any further for your new love than within your current peer group. Might be someone new. Might be someone you've known for some time. Doesn't matter. Allow yourself to be surprised.

OK.. this one caught my attention really. New or Old ? Doesn't Matter.. Reminding myself not to get too 'into' it. Lurve the last sentence. New Principle of Life (for now..until the wind changes). Avoid questioning fate too much as it will only lead to more tangles & confusion. As they say, a practical person never allows his sentiments to muddle with his judgements. (well.. almost..for normal beings like us)

New word for the day: Canoodle
Meaning: Doing that 'dirty thing'.
Location found: Newspaper - found it while i was reading the article about public showcase of affection which is gettin rather explicit nowadays. Sick! .

Well.. today started off nicely with me doctoring my pc.. i had to since my homepage was a direct link to some porno website. must be my sister's doing as she loves downloading stuff without knowing that its a spyware and BOOM! (suddenly appear right in front of you things you wish you never see..) so, finally Dr Aisha did her work..right from scanning for virus, defragmenting, running my spyware doctor, updating Windows Microsoft Office and i even change my screen saver to some realistic looking goldfish aquarium..

(now i dun need to worry about forgetting to feed the fishes & finding them floating upside down dead within the next 3 days.. i can have all year round, the same goldfish swimming happily..yeah... hehe..)

There, i moved on to watching movie trailers of 'Meet the Fockers', 'The Son of Mask' – damn cute.. , and even some winnie the pooh movie. I even played checkers with Prabha online.. kinda of fun even thoough i lost..but i redeem myself when i won a game of tic tac toe..hehe..

Staying at home the whole day.. awaiting to watch 'Mary Poppins' in the evening was definitely worth it.. A bunch of 'spit-spots' & supercalifragelisticspallydoucious... whoaaaa... quite a pack.. but i manage..

And yah.. to make life more interesting , this afternoon i received a call from some travel company.. saying that I've won some travel thingy..mp3 blah, blah.. coz i filled up some form, which frankly speaking, I dun remember filling it up.. (but u bet i was damn excited since I've been mentioning to you guys about me wanting to go for another big holiday spree..) The lady told me that I had to come down for a briefing on sunday afternoon.. (somehow it didnt stop there)

BUTTTTTT.....

1) I had to be 25 and above
2) Must have credit card. HMmm.... strange winnings.. aper sey?? So, eventually she told me to get my mum instead.. So, i finally told my mum.. knowing my mother..she was suspicious.. y the heck i had to have a visa to win this thing (what crap siah??) she told me her friend got such similar calls saying that they've won stuffs but in actual fact, they want you to get the travel package first, then you will get the voucher.. bla bla.. tak happy punya pasal..mak aku pun talipon balik orang tu..kena condemn lah orang tu..

Haizz... 'Tipah Tertipu'.... Excitement was from mountain sky high which then collapsed down straight to the middle crater of the Earth.. so much for being lucky on a saturday morning.. But come on... Its ok.. saving up for holiday will still be an available & much more viable option.

Prayers... Hear Them...

2005-02-06T02:29:00.000+08:00

Finally finish doing up all my lesson plans .. its 2.15 am.. hmm.. ive got like to bear for a year to do all the planning b4 stepping into the class... sad..well.. just now i was watching the ending of Bruce ALmighty on HBO.. it was this scene whereby Jim Carrey met God again.. this tym, God asking him to say his prayer (he never did b4 u c..) That part was nothin.. the part which got me thinking was what he prayed for.

Praying for someone to be happy & safe all her/his life, regardless of whether the person ends up with you or not. You may not get exactly what you planned for coz' God has greater plans than you can ever think of. Only He knows the best. (Seriuosly, this sounds like a self assuring prophecy as well as a sincere prayer but I guess it works most of the time.. well, for me at least..) Come to think of it.. been doin it eversince i kept falling out of with anybody at the different turning points of my life.. the only way to console myself.. as well as to prevent myself cursing anybody to the max. It is the modest way of letting go.. but once you see your prayers becoming reality right in front of your eyes.. you know you've done the right thing .. not just for yourself but the person as well..

What You See and what You dun, is what U get...

2005-02-02T23:15:00.000+08:00

Beauty? Everyone talks about 'extreme makeover', ' my hair too big" "my thighs too fat" "my bum too flat", my breats too saggy.." watever.. seriously our mind are constantly moulded by the massive waves of media:- tv, magazines, music videos, artists, all sorts of breast implantation ads (one even featured one of the sch classmates - whom i hear that she's going out with this old guy and happily sign a contract with the bust company..) well, there are times where i have to admit..i do feel the inferiority.. im a just a human duh..

There was this newspaper article which gave me the relief tht having imperfections are perfectly normal after all. even when it comes to choosing partners..we tend to look at the appearance..but again, what last arent the smashing smmoth skin, or well toned body (or ass for that matter)..it's the personality which lives eternally. The beauty lies within in your heart.

Main advise: Dont discount the potential partners juz bcoz they are just much less gd looking. For all u know, that less than gd looking dude/gal has beautiful personality traits, more than u can ever think of..

But again, how long will it take for someone to realise that? wud it be too late by the moment one wakes up from the deep trance ? how many actually like you for who you really are? it isnt the looks right..or is it?

have u heard the phrase that "the uglier u r , u better be damn smart to live ur life by" - what crap??? okok.. it is true to a certain extent...

but such prophecy will never live long to leave a legacy... its all bullshit.. yah..thats what ive been telling myself.. up to this very moment..

U should too..

Ushering the new year (31 dec 2004)

2004-12-31T22:29:00.000+08:00

Tick Tock: 150 minutes to 2005...

Main Agendas for 2004 (at the top of my head):-

1) YEP India..

full of spices & sweet teh tarik.. a journey full of tears, laughter, smiles, 'semangs', 'touching'.. u name it..

2) NUS Graduation

Even though i didnt make it to honours class.. trust me..i felt tht it was the best plan Allah has set for me.. Finally ive officially ended my school days.. d day where i see my dad wore a tie for the 1st tym..awww...

3) The Tragedy of Heart -

Dun ask me.. it just happen.. DAMN!!!

4) Career Bulit - Up..

Im sick & tired of all the resumes..Cant even keep track of how many ive written lah.. Ask me..all ive tried..well almost lah.. JobsDB.. monster.com, insurance job interviews.. financial planner.. stepping back to MSD.. finally ended with sumthing which ive been denying myself of all these years.. - teaching. Poor all those kids.. Miss Mulut Lazer a.k.a 'The Bitch' will be out soon to make your lives miserable..

5) Holiday Cum Family Reunion

$700 had been sacrificed to reach the above mentioned objective..WAH!!!!!!!!! But it was defintely a gd family reunion back in malaysia.. with family & frens.. Even tho' ive spent another $300 for private holiday with frens after tht.. i deserve it dun u think??

6) Taubat ..hehe..well, for the 1st tym in 3 yrs..im actually spending new year in front of the pc instead of in admist of screaming fans.. 'dancing' wildly to the techno beat wif all the confetti.. welcoming the new year..

7) Revelation Online - Blogger Fever

well, at least i started the new year all cleansed .. in & out.. it felt weird to be really truthful to the gurls after so long.. trust me.. it took me quite a while to reveal all tht crap in me.. seriously, initially i didnt noe what wud be their reactions after reading my entries ..my intention was to let go of all the past & to start the brand new year with a brand new chapter of life.. the good & bad of 2004 will just be memory..well.. after actually talking things out wif the gals abt 'bad person'.. strangely enough.. i seem to be able to cope with it better.. not as 'gong gong' as b4. insyaAllah.. all will be fine.. cruising smoothly with other guys..hehe.. well, at least they didnt disturb me tht much abt ahem.. after knowing tht it has been giving me headaches or more of heart aches.. hehe..

8) Catastrophe Hit Asia - Sea Coming On Shore..Trust me tht the catastrophe tht recently happened in asia, seems to be a reminder of how easily Allah can take us away from life.. watching the news featuring the Feringi Beach, which me n family were at a week b4 the tsunamis attacked, really made me feel 'bersyukur'.. Alhamdullilah, Allah maseih sayang pada kiter... But to see those who suffered; those who were left homeless, children who became orphans, the lost of loved ones.. i just wonder how hari khiamat wud be like.. maybe 100 times worst than this.. seriously, i wudnt want to see that day happening..

Tick Tock: 120 minutes to 2005.

Resolutions for the New Year.. :- hmm...

1) cari anak raja yg hensem (excluding 'Raja' frm cheese prata shop ehh..) insyaAllah dapat yg pandai, tak tua sangat, baik hati, penyabar, pemurah, bole tahan merepek aku.. mr complimentary ..anak 'dato' pun jadi lah..

2) pass driving

3) get new car for myself

4) pass NIE

5) do more good stuffs to the under priviledged

6) earn more, donate more & invest more..

did i miss anything out??

yess...

7) More Karaoke with my best pals.. :-)

Selamat Tahun Baru.. InsyaAllah.. Tahun Yang Akan Datang ini akan penuh dgn barakah & rahmat dari Allah S.W.T. untuk kiter semua yer.. Amin.. Happy New Year...

Down Memory Lane...

2004-12-30T01:37:00.000+08:00

i noe i cant help it but to think of the times when we were all hanging out at lt 14..eating food from pyros kebab.. listening to azah's lagu jiwang frm whoever's laptop it was.. all busy studying (i guess.. ) or more of waiting for the tym to just pass by till we get to play tai -ti (even tho' i actually hav no idea how to play..).. seriously, i realise tht time is passing by too fast.. and each tym something good happens.. i kept thinking how much im goin to miss it when it all comes to an end...

i feel as though it was just yesterday tht we (me, ain, azah & aisha rahmat) were on the bus, on our way to k.l. azah i remember u gettin 'disturbed' by some mat msia kat depan toilet .. and guess wat.. its almost 2 yrs guys.. thts how fast time flies.. how much i wish we were back in sch.. or maybe back to the times we were just spending time together.. it doesnt matter where..as long as we are together.

for the past few days, i havent been quite myself.. during the times tht i was surrounded by people..i actually felt lonely.. and by the tym they went back to their creep.. i felt even worst.. it was as if there was this sheer feeling of emptiness.

as i made my way out of moe yesterday, it suddenly came to me tht im goin to start a brand new chapter of life on the 3rd jan. sch days in nus will be sweet history. embarking life in a new place makes me feel queasy.. makes me feel like a 5 yr old all over again. new frens, new lecture theatres, new lepak place, new air, new enemies.... not sure if im prepared for it.

The 'Swish' of Life - Breathe deeply...

2004-11-29T23:45:00.000+08:00

hey finally im back on the roll.. the pc has been recovered.. without having to call the pain in d neck technicians.. or mind boggling softwares cures.. all thanx to the ghost and a touch of genius by my uncle.

so, here i am tryin to make out the meaning of life. i was reading the book "religion is simple', it states that with religion it will reveal to u the constant seach for the true meaning of life.

today i visited afidah's dad's funeral. death, the worst fear of a person's life..well, maybe not everyone. are we really prepared to face death? to face ur creator? his angels? its either a 'living' hell or paradise after the 7 steps of the last person leaving u at your own burial ground. if its meant to happen it will happen. its all god' will.. life and death, are all in the hands of God. to treasure life & to be grateful for everything that u see, hear, feel .. is all with His blessings..

i begin to realise that it was definitely the best choice to sit down and do nothing when it comes to the trials of 'loneliness or boredom'. a simple saying of 'hi' and having to mingle..was the toughest task for someone who is extremely stubborn.. conservative, fear of being hurt, and most importantly fear of being rejected... (jgn terasa.. i was talking abt myself..)

its a slow drag.. but it will soon go away.. just a matter of time..as to when it will go away.. only He has the answer..

Think Bout It!

2004-10-25T01:50:00.000+08:00

"Love u just the way u r - It seems incredible how much hunger for that sort of affirmation there is out there"

"I loved the first Bridget Jones movie, and I watch it all the time! I can completely identify with her feeling awkward at most times of the day and never getting the hot guy due to this minor "disability."

"They looking for love at the wrong places.. coz apparently home lacks of it.. "

"The finest thing tht parents can packed their teenage daughters..- a whole lot of self -esteem.."

"Beauty comes from within you, so hold your head up, smile big and be proud of who you are."

Plans....

2004-10-18T01:42:00.000+08:00

sometimes u just wonder whether will it be coming or not.. ? looking for it all your life.. its strange how it works to brighten your day.. make ur smile even broader..or make u wear that dress that u previuosly swore u will never wear that.

there are those who are already in it.. there are also those who are still in search for it.. waiting for the right person to come along... for some they spend their whole life running after love, but when love comes to them, life starts to run away from them.. weird huh?

well, thats how life is.. complex or simple .. its your choice to make it happen or not. to make the best out of it. to smile or to frown.. to be poor or rich.. you basically have the control .. except to the time when your heart decides to stop its loyalty to beat again... but you've got to look at it this way.. "maybe God has bigger plans for you, more than you have for yourself (",) live..smile..laugh.. for tomorrow may never be.. " - does it sound familiar??

sometimes i wish i could unlock the secrets of life.. leaving you clueless most of the time.. you desperately trying to figure out what it's trying to say.. its like having two mute and blind people trying to make a conversation.. disasterous? maybe.. but then again..

there's always a silver lining on every cloud....

Saturday Cool Blues...

2004-08-28T01:45:00.000+08:00

today i finally finished the 'make -up girl'. naturally, it made me think if i were to live with a lie, eventually it will do come true. too much day dreaming..will definitely get u nowhere.

today, all went fine.. supposed to go for a course but ended up watching movie and accompanying c. ilah n c. ameen go for night rounds. imagine hearing 'locally made gurkhas singing while on job'? its worst than singapore idol.. these are those who wud never even make it to the 1st round. the tense.. especially when c ameen is around. well.. no cute looking ones which caught my attention for dat matter.

believe it or not, i think im into tht phase whr i start to look for a friend. Is it really time? maybe it is.. but again, its not tht easy when the chance of you meeting new people are like errr... god knows when. u get my point? its damn hard to bump into someone tht often when im at borders or anywhere lah for dat matter.. at school, forget about it.. i mean there are some decent looking ones but arghh..it will be good enuf if i were treated as part of the school community. wanting to feel accepted and to be part of the team, would be the main aim for now. this gona take time..but its worth the try..even if i started off with a blunder.

somehow i guess, i do know why mr lim from jc said tht we shud try to get someone while we were at sch. simple reason, u will know your school mates better as compared to someone whom u juz met on the street or at some idiotic interview.. or irc for dat matter. HOPELESS. thats the word to describe me when it comes to this segment of my life. DAMN!!!!!

someone pls.. help??

2004-08-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

he's finding for his jersey.. i bet ma has hide it somewhere.. pretending not knowing what happen.. and my poor father would have to wake up from his sleep and help my toad bro to find his shirt.. haizz..

today i tried going online to find someone to chat with.. but end up talking to imbeciles who are totally as bored as i am..but much in a worst state than i am in.. mayeb they are off better than me .. maybe they arent so clueless as i am right??

(its just a shirt bro!!! let it go.. i think u jolly well know that she took it. if not..its either somewhere.. lets just pray it isnt in the incinerator..its better being donated off..)

anyway.. it just dawn on me that im damn bloody bored.. pretending my ass off that im doin fine.. how's dat?

ok.. im goin mad.. i need help.

if u r being difficult to others , u r twice as difficult to urself?? am i?

OK... 1, 2, 3.. again.. 1, 2, 3..

2004-07-25T01:10:00.000+08:00

hey..today was simply a new experience..i was actually helping out kak mus with her CC healthy lifestyle activity..more of a multi racial one..so they called me to be part of the emcee.. to get paid for it..y not? so, i took it up..not bad actually even though initially the project coordinator was a bit naggy and all.. what to do?? she was a typical chinese aunty..with that cropped hair.. lean body, strong vocal chords.. firm, and of course, gets very stressed up easily.. reminds me of myself though..hehe..

Those who were present, trust me..they were like the granmas n ah-kongs.. so ever energetic.. from qigong, to spore workout, to some ever confusing but fun kind of aerobic demonstration by this manly handsome guy by the name of mr khairi.. followed by the kebaya robic. (i actually thought the makciks were goin to wear kebaya while doin aerobics..hehe.. i guess not...)

anyway, after that, me, kak mus, & ain went down for a full swing karoke session..which was as usual fantastic..& never boring..haha.. exercising your vocal chords..seems to be more exciting than ever..no one to judge u or whatever so.. unlike some singapore idol..when u get clones of william hung.. let it be miss or mr ..

Quite a workout I have to admit....

Final Kilos lost: 2 kg

Love Died in Ooty - Expect the Unexpected

2004-06-10T04:30:00.000+08:00

Excerpts taken from diary
Location: Ooty, 2nd day (early june)
Time: 4 am, weather: damn freezing cold..
Situation: Surrounded by group members (prying hard to get to know my personal life better)

Dear Diary,

Today I was being questioned by the members of my group of my own personal life stories. It all started by a casual talk.. however somehow it managed to stir its focus to me. BAD..

well, sincerely speaking.. I prefer to keep the sh*t to myself.. but not to these guys..

Irritating as it is, to a small extent it was fun..only to the point they start to cross the boundaries.. (its meant to be joke.. yah.. but its my personal life.. didnt i give clear vibes stating that Im not interested to discuss this further..????!!)

So, much for trying to have a nice quiet night on my own.. (something unachievable if you're living in a small house filled with 24 other rowdy human beings).

U bet it was damn hard for me to change the topic or to fan off the fire of excitement in their eyes.. it was similiarly hard for me to open up to them as i believe :-
1) they dun deserve to know about my life.. (mind your own business will ya??)
2) its the past and we should move on.. (its been 6 years and im still on the path of trying to move on.. )

I dun blame the guys for being inquisitive (only that they were doing it for the wrong reasons & wrong situation) but sometimes, there are just certain things which are meant to be kept to yourself & your trusted close pals..

Well.. to me I don't choose to be single neither i am against relationships. Its just that I have yet to come across someone who appreciates me (flaws & frills all), not someone perfect but someone who compliments me. well..saying this to them would never make sense.. (they're even more screwed up than me when it comes to love life, trust me.. my best pal can vouch for that u bet!) They claimed that they wanted to help me.. when they can't even help themselves..

If only i could tell them that its more than just the face value.. it is the heart & sincerity of it.. never selfish.. putting aside the ego & pride.. My purpose of coming here on this expedition was to help the kids here as much as possible.. seriously speaking, i had no intentions of bringing in any personal agendas into work situation.. not with them at least..

I even had an insensitive toad proclaiming his love to me thee at 2 am in the morning.. wat a damn joke?? @!!&%&@#$#@^&^ getting that from someone who doesn't even understand what it means to love someone.. I give up on these people..

Suddenly, i felt as though my personal love life was a joke.. haiz..

well.. i guess i just have to go with the flow.. and blend in with these people for now.. relax.. cool... they are just a bunch of kids ok.. its just a joke.. Smiles.. :) Now i need my hot tea..

The Journey Begins.. Last Call !!!

2004-06-08T07:19:00.000+08:00

Finally .. Im in ooty.. or should I say we have arrived safely to the Queen of Hills... It all started by a rollercoaster ride on Thai Airways.. (between singapore to Bangkok) As scary as it is, trust me i was glad to see the whole entire team together , 100% attendance.

the journey on the aeroplane was kind of comfortable besides the turbulence (where i felt my heart dropped for a while there), nice air stewardess, good food.. & surprisingly they have Kal Ho Na Ho on the radio.. coool... Sitting in between 2 irritating toads.. somehow made my ride even more entertaining..

India (Bangalore)

Seriously, Im worried that our 30 boxes of stuffs wouldnt reach on the same plane with us.. However, I was much relieved and impressed by the logistics committee's efforts in labeling all the 30 odd boxes.. Phew.. didnt see that barrier coming.. (only to know the next barrier was just a few feets away - Customs)

Customs (BangaloreAirport)

There's this indian officer who actually asked me for the letter of declaration for our team..for bringing in loads of stuffs.. Well, naturally, I was ready for that.. took out my file and showed them the letter that we got from SIF. I was confident we would get through this.. NAH>>>

Instead of reading the letter that I passed to him.. he was happily flipping through my clear folder file (which was on the table.. as my hands were tight down by many other stuffs) without my permission. (ok.. am i missing something here??)

His attention shifted to one of the documents, describing India (to her best really..) However, our dear friend here took it as a negative comment. He was sneering at what was written and he actually called his superficial stern-looking on-duty partner .. (Excuse me.. its not as if I was the one who typed it out.. iT was given by SIF for goodness sake.. In the first place.. the document was praising India.. what the heck????) I'm not even out of the airport and Im already stucked?? Relax.. Take a deep breath.. (so i signalled to my indian group members with the hope that they will be able to negotiate this nitty gritty misunderstanding out..)

"What's this ?? Elephants, Trishaws??", said the man. Come on, don't tell me that India doesnt have elephants? Whats wrong with mentioning elephants? We respect animals you know..

Trust me, as a gurl, it was damn hard to get them to focus on the main issue at hand here. Eventually, after much coaxing, and fake smiles.. we managed to get out of the mud.. ok.. we better get onto the bus fast .. phew..

The weather was rather dry & cool.. with lots of buzzing here and there..We were the centre of attraction for the locals.. not only because of the fact that we had 30 odd boxes with us.. but also for the fact that we dress & simply look different.. duh.. Whatever it is.., it was definitely a great feeling to be finally in India..

To make situation more interesting.. the bus coaches that were supposed to fetch us.. were not around. Damn!!.. Dun Panic.. (ok.. what's next ??
25 of us were stranded at Bangalore Airport in the wee hours of the morning..

So, we had to call Raj (our local coordinator from the Home).. who manages the bus for us.. there, I came across the system of direct calling in India - STD & ISD. With the assistance of helpful locals, eventually we managed to call him.. & soon after, much to my relieve.. the buses arrived..

Bus Journey (8 hours journey)
Start: 12 am midnight
Reach Ooty: 8 am next morning

1st ordeal : No public toilets to be found.

Well.. we had to pee in the open behind this huge truck .. Initially I thought i had to do it.. it was high tide.. but I was too self conscious.. It was along the road (trucks passing by here n there .. and across the road there's a coffeeshop .. how the heck am i supposed to do it with a peace of mind???!!) Forget about it.. gotta control that bladder..

Eventually the next morning, we reached Tamil Nadu.. It was the monsoon season.. thus, the weather was getting colder.. Here, we stopped at a forested area (where you can see rhinos & elephants roaming freely like cats & dogs back in my country) to pee.. This time.. the place was much more convenient for us (the gurls) to relieve ourselves.. while the guys did the look out while taking their cigarette break. It was kinda of fun actually.. you will never get to do that in Singapore.... As soon as we were done.. it started pouring like mad.. and the temperature just dropped.. we werent definitely prepared for the cold weather.. not even the cold weather that's awaiting for us in Ooty..

Welcome to Ooty.. The Queen of Hills...

This place is simply breathtaking.. the natural mountaineous landscape definitely stunned me.. It was so beautiful beyond words.. The mountain.. the cottage houses, the stepped agriculture plantations, the greenery.. amazing.. It was way more than i expected. I was enjoying every minute of the fact that Im one of the lucky souls to actually see this.. (Suddenly, it gave meaning to all my hard work.. before reaching here.. it was worth it)

One thing for sure, Im very much impressed by the local drivers here.. They are superb.. and have u heard of 'HAIRPIN BEND' ? no? well.. welcome to the land where you get to see lots of this.. definitely a test of driving skills .. Drivers here, have this system where they would tap the car horn a few times before turning into each bend (it really looks like a tip of a hairpin) to signal to any incoming vehicles.. This is the first time where we witnessed a situation whereby 2 big buses can actually squeeze into 1 tiny 1 way-lane. (Risky as it is.. these guys sure know what they're doing & trust me.. it was rather impressive)

Weather..bRrrrrr....

Temperature were running low.. as low as 12 deg celesius.. since we are all from a tropical sunny island.. it was a bit hard for us to adapt to it initially.. we had 3-4 layers of warm clothings, sweaters, gloves & shawl.. Man.. so, this is what its like to be in a cold country.. who says India is a hot country??!!! Its damn cold up here ok.. cool.. But no worries..with loads of sweet hot tea.. & the warmth of the locals.. its hot enough to get you going..

YEP leadership camp (Pulau Ubin)

2004-05-15T08:10:00.000+08:00

Location: Pulau Ubin (near Ah-soh's kampung house.. facing Pulau Ketam)

Today was a slightly differenty morning .. the air was fresh & crisp.. the sun shining strongly bringing life to the entire island.. Over looking the coastline, were brightly coloured bumboats.. its strange that this tiny island is just about 15 mins away from the concrete jungle yet.. no one can deny its power to bring peace & energy back in your mnd & soul..

Well.. so far the camp has been going on great.. I was nicknamed as the 'baby' in the team.. owing to my petite & rather childish behaviour.. well.. it was nice getting all pampered by a bunch of professionals.. hehe.. I have to admit we were a colourful mixed of leaders.. from mere undergrads to research archeologist (he's a great person except for the fact that he drinks enough to drown himself..) to your education professional (who happens to be my new found partner / 'mummy' since my assigned partner had to attend to a much more important issues.. (yah rite.. ) to the most considerate & funny dentist, not forgetting his student (a hilarious duo i must say..) to of course, the zany & ever so full-of-life SIF professionals..

I won't forget the time when we were enjoying our night rounds in the woods.. beneath the clear sky, scattered with bright sparkling stars, singing to the tunes of the Carpenters, Bollywood hits, to the Bangles.. plus some old time nursery rhymes.. hehe.. so much for trying to scare ourselves by going through so-called forbidden areas.. lol.. Lucky Bunch..

well.. let's not forget the fact that Ive learnt to live side by side with 4 ferocious black dogs (half of my size, mind u .. ) In fact, Ive learnt to pick up or decipher some of their body language:- wagging means they're just being friendly.. & other than that.. just maintain your cool .. DUN RUN!!! I was lucky as I was protected by my thoughtful camp members.. (No wonder I was nicknamed as the 'baby'..hehe) I was almost being mauled by 1 idiotic one.. (must be down with PMS.. as it was happily lying down beside me during our lunch time.. Nutcase)

Anyway, the whole day had been an eye-opener.. right from the time we set feet on the island, to the time we reached our 'kampung' free accomodation, the cooking time, the play-pretend EMS, going through the variuos stages of the project, the sharing session & eventually the night walk.. I am still trying to swallow it all down.. locking it tight in my mind chest.. making sure I hold on to them dearly..

The sharing session after lunch was a no doubt a learning opportunity for me. To be able to share the problems that I face in handling the YEP with the other leaders had lightened off the load on my shoulder.. (been keeping all the sh*t to myself too much..to teh extent that I snapped at every single person that strike a conversation with me.. & that includes my innocent family members..) They had made it so easy for me to open to them.. It could be due to their experience & empathy.. we naturally had somewhat similar mindset (just that mine wasn't that well-formed). I was inspired by their courage & thier firm attitude but yet able to be sensitive & sweet at the right timing..

The best of it all, these wonderful people were all so ready to share their chunks of experience. It definitely provided me with different perspective of looking at things now..

Sitting by the coastline this morning was simply breathtaking.. (even though the sea cockcroaches were happily hanging out there too..) The whole entire course was a breakaway .. away from work, from my YEP group members, away from worrying over petty nitty gritty stuffs.. I know I needed the break... badly..

Im sitting here with one of the leaders, J. She's so full of life, very ambitious, very passionate about single thing that she does and its amazing to see how much strength this skinny short gal has .. this is her 4th YEP by the way.. ('',)

Well.. attending the course, it had at least gave me the answer to why I took up this project.. there is so much this project can offer.. I just have to play along and hang on.. Despite this, many times i felt that my assigned partner should have been here too..

Stop me before I slaughter anyone!

2004-05-02T02:15:00.000+08:00

hey..

This is only the pre-expedition period & trust me ..Im already at the stage of giving up.. (I hate the feeling when things go out of hand.. Stress.. stress.. stress... ) Sometimes .. well.. honestly, many times I asked myself why I had to take this project up and guess what? I havent got a clue.. All I got in return were scoldings, the sheer criticisms, the jeer by those who don't even bother to take a pause to understand the plight that Im in.

Trust me.. i can easily strangle anyone right one.. Luckily, my screws are still tight.. if not, I would have ran amok.. I can't take it anymore, u bet! I feel like running away and leave this whole entire thing..I didnt volunteer myself to be humiliated! But then.. its just so hard to leave just like that.. I guess my conscious is well holding me back.. could be faith.. i duno..

Well..yesterday i was brought down to my lowest point, no doubt. It was rather hurtful when nobody asked how my day was (well..i know that's not the big problem but a smile would have made my day lighter) But the fact that I was bombarded by more workload than i can ever handle & more scoldings.. Have you ever felt that suddenly your world comes tumbling down.. the feeling that suddenly everybody is against you?

I was actually feeling alone and torn apart even though i was actually surrounded by so many people. I duno what went wrong.. (i think i would be in a better position if someone at least tell me nicely) Seriously I miss the days when G.Q was around.. even though there were loads of stuffs to complete, yet G.Q was there WITH me ; not to lead neither to follow.. I was on a hunger pang for that sheer encouragement and support.. unfortunately..not a slight glimmer of hope.. only the bleak future ahead..

Crisis: My Damn Partner.. Damn 'S'

I gave up on him a long time ago..I know he was sent by God to test my limits of patience.. never knew I failed for this one.. beneath that manly, sweet Usher lookalike face, he's such a sarcastic & insensitive individual. Well.. I dont give a damn the fact that you're the heartthrob of many gals out there or well-known as one of the nation's eligible bachelor.. I guess they had forgotten to assess his 'heartware' attributes. Well.. like what they said, never judge a book by its cover.. until you've worked together ..

One thing for sure, he was definitely successful in making a gurl breakdown (me at least ..).. I will never forget the time when he scolded me off for being honest to the lady who had lend us her van, for us to carry out our donation drive. Even my dad forbids himself from berating me in that manner.. I hate it when he pushes his limits .. & I know my patience was wearing off.. The only consolation I had with me at this point of time, was the fact that I have only 2 more months before I am able to erase him away from my life. Its either i change the situation to a 'win-win' ending or remain miserable for the rest of the expedition.

The funny thing is.. initially I thought he would be different.. i was sooo wrong..

Its going to be a tough ride .. & Hang on Tight!!!!

Life & Death..

2003-11-22T02:23:00.000+08:00

u noe what..my granma told my mum just a while ago that some old fren of the family (cik leha)..yah..their son had passed away..n u know what..apparently that boy turns out to be the boy whom i dun really fancy when i was young.

we use to be in the same class wen we were in kindergarten..he had this peculiar smile..dark skinned..very naughty..n trust me..he sticks to me all the time.. well..my mum told me that his mum said tht he likes hanging around wif me..well..at that point of time.. got to know that he passed away due to kidney problems..

i just wanted to tell u that somehow or rather i felt guilty for hating someone who had such liking to me..n me not appreciating it..or able to make proper frenz with them..n only to regret when they r gone.

life's short ..really short..its like you may be alive today ..n the next thing u know u're dead the next minute..i tell ya ..its a scary thought really..makes u treasure life more. i used to read this e-mail saying that .."u better do wat u've been wanting to do ..or u might not get to do it after all" never hesitate..follow ur heart..but..how often do ppl do that? i dun.

to ponder..to wait for the so-called right time..its all so unpredictable..n u will never know what will happen until u've really tried it. there was 1 evening wen i cudnt breathe..it was while i praying on the mat..i got so scared..n my face was pale..i was alone wif my sis ..n all i cud think of were my parents..n having to face Allah...& i was not prepared to face HIM. one is never too young to die huh? bullshit.

sometimes i wish i knew what i really want in life.. & to accomplish it b4 i go..well..its not that im totally clueless..just that sometimes..i get lost ...or its like..i do have the map but i need someone to guide me thru reading that map..n to get to my destination. Gotta approach Him. He knows me best..n i know he knows im writing this to let go things off my chest.. i do think a lot..n sometimes..i think that i do have a problem wen actually i dun.

i noe that i take ppl for granted sometimes....critising them..b4 looking myself in the mirror..i have this terribly bad attitude of judging a person by its cover..and sometimes..its too late for me to realise that there's more than meets the eye. by then ..its useless for me to regret. as they say, prevention is better than cure..i tried to avoid doing it..but sometimes..i do it even without realising it..shud i knock my head against the wall?

Yah.. once in a while.. if it helps..